Children attending the birth

Hi all,

I am planning on delivering at a birth center this time (hospital the last time - never will do that again!). I have a 3-year-old daughter. She has watched a few water births (TLC Channel) on TV and said that they are cool and wants to be there when I have a baby.

I have made arrangements for her to be taken care of by a neighbor who will bring her to the birth center whenever I say the word. Also, the birth center is fine with me bringing my daughter there as long as I have someone to watch over her. My mom should be there, but she is a bit of a worry wort. My sister may be able to come up and she will be much more calm. I think if I know that my sister will be there, then I may feel better about her being at the birth. Also, if I have to be hospital transferred, my sister will be able to drive her home.

My question is who has had their children there at the birth and how did they do? Did they bug you or distract you? Also, how long were they there?

I would really like to hear from those of you with 3-year-olds.

Thanks,

Hi!

I had a home/waterbirth in October and my dd's were here. We didn't have anyone come to care for them while I was in labor. Our reasons being: 1.) I didn't have anyone I was comfortable having come over while I was in labor (i.e. dh's family) 2.) I wanted it to be just us as a family and the mw.

Personally, I loved having them there! They were 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 at the time and they did great! My oldest spent most of the day with me. We talked before the birth about her "jobs"...bringing me snacks, bringing a cool washcloth, etc. She hung out with me on the bed coloring, eating, talking, and playing. Other than the actual birth of the baby, that time w/ my oldest dd is a very precious memory!

My 2 1/2 yo spent most of her time in the living room watching tv and playing. She came in every once in a while and at one point went in to take a nap. She wasn't interested in staying in with me much. When I started pushing I was a little more vocal than I expected (more than I was with both of them) and it kind of scared her. In between cntx I tried reassuring her I was ok..but she started crying some. We had our oldest take her in the living room to play.

The only time I was a bit distracted was when the cntx started getting intense (the last 2hrs or so). My dd kept talking to me and asking me questions during cntx. I had to remind her what we had talked about before...that Mommy was working very hard and it was hurting Mommy. When I was in between cntx I made a point of talking to her and answering her questions.

Overall, I think having my dds there helped me keep my mind off the boring early labor stuff. This labor was my longest (8 hrs..I know, that's not THAT long..lol..my others were 5 and 3 hrs) so I got bored. Since the labor was SO different than my other two it was nice to be able to relax and have my dd there to talk to.

If we have another I'll definetly do things the same way!

[miche]

My 26 month old was in the hospital with me for most of my labor with #2. He wasn't there for the actual birth (which was good because it wasn't "normal" in the sense that Sean had a lot of meconium inhalation and aspiration and they worked on him for quite a while. My dad did bring him back in for that and he was concerned, but he took him out again and then he was ok. He proudly wheeled his brother back from the nursery after they deep suctioned him and he's adored him ever since!

My birth story is in my pregnancy journal (link in sig) and I talk about Tommy's role as my little doula in that. He was still nursing and helped my labor along by nursing every time they suggested pitocin.

[BrandiL]

I had a homebirth in Sept. My 5 year old DD was there for the whole thing - and she did great!

While I was in labour she brought me juice, told me stories and jokes - and most importantly she reminded me why I was doing it and the joy I would have at the end of it all.

Her brother was born at about 12:30 at night, and she watched him come into the world. She gave her brother a kiss, said "he's so cute" and then, as if it were an everyday occurance , said she was tired and asked to go to bed!

If we decided on another baby- I will do it the same way.

[BabyBliss]

My daughter was just short of 4 when dd#2 was born. I had my ex-roomate who dd was very comfortable with as her "caregiver" during labor and birth. Since most of my labor was between 3-5am before we went to the hospital, my gf just stayed at the house with her until we called for her to come. They showed up while I was in transition. I spent alot of time preparing dd for what would be happening but she got scared seeing me throw up and stuff. She kept trying to feed me bagel to make me feel better We could tell she was quite nervous so I had my gf take her out of the room and distract her until the baby came and had her come right in after the baby was born. She was a little disappointed but only because she didnt get to see the placenta which she was really looking forward too for some very strange reason

This time I'm hoping for a homebirth (the last one was a planned homebirth but didnt work out) and if dd wants to stay she can. I'll just ferry her off to papa (a block away) if she gets nervous again.

Thanks for all your responses!

It seems to me that the consensus is that children under 4 do well until transition, then they get nervous if mommy is vocal or sick (despite all the preparing mommy/daddy does for the child). Children over 4 (closer to 5) do fine throughout the whole thing. I may opt to have my mom and sister just play with/distract her in the living room of the birth center (possibly not even telling her where I am) until after transition has passed and the baby is born. She tends to be overly concerned about things and I don't want her to worry about me. I don't think she is emotionally mature to handle it if I were to be vocal or if I got sick.

I definitely want her to be one of the first to meet the baby and possibly even cut the cord. I will talk to my midwives about it at my appt on Monday. Also I plan on laboring at home for as long as I can and Megan will be able to be part of that.

Feel free to add responses that contradict this.

[hunter]

My babies were all born at home, so my older kids (if you can really call them that) were always there. We tried to prepare them for what would happen, and we watched some videos of babies being born so they would know what to expect. Some places offer (or require) a class for siblings who will be present at a birth; at the hospital I would have transferred to, any child under a certain age had to have a caretaker whether they'd taken the class or not.

I had a caretaker assigned to each child, a person whose sole responsibility that day was to do whatever that child needed. The kids wandered in & out, tended to me, fetched things when asked, they really enjoyed being part of the process. We were pretty flexible about whether they could be there for the actual birth, because you never really know what's going to happen. Plus the maturity level of each child is different; 17-month-old Ingrid did fine when our boys were born, but Alison (18 months older) got freaked at one point by a noise I made, so her caretaker came & scooped her up & took her to go read a book.

One thing we also did that hasn't been mentioned yet was "birthday" gifts for the older kids. For example, when I went into labor with the twins, our girls each got an "I'm a big sister" t-shirt, a coloring book about new babies, fresh crayons, a disposable camera to take their own pictures, and supplies to make a birthday cake (one got mix, one got frosting, one got sprinkles & candles) which all helped keep them occupied but were part of the special day. Good luck with whatever you decide, and with your birth!