What is normal toddler behavior?

[LawnGirl]

Seb has been absolutly uncontrollable lately. Not like I want to "control" him persay, but he just wont calm down or listen for his own safety. Sunday he kept running to and fro in the living room, which is fine, but then he started kicking things to which Andy and I told him to please find something else to do so he wouldnt hurt himself or another person. We showed him other things he could do, but of course he didnt want to. Well, as he was "kicking" he slipped and hit his head on a chair, needing 3 stiches and a brushburned/bruised eye followed!

Last week he got hurt many times (just little things). I'd think he would learn natural consquences (if I stand on the chair and fall, it hurts) but he doesnt seem to care...just does whatever it is anyway. Lately he's been jumping off the bed in the mornings, this got him a big bruise on his head and a pretty bumped up knee. I swear we are keeping our chiropractor in business with Seb alone!!! Andy and I try to suggest other things he do and give him other outlets to jump, climb etc, but he doesnt want to do those, he wants to do the dangerous stuff of course.


I was honestly scared going in to get his stitches because of all his bruises that they would think of child abuse. None of the bruises were on his back or belly or anything, just head, legs, arms, but still....I've known many a parent who has gotten investigaged because of their accident prone child and I dont want to be next on the list.

This morning we went to the playground, he was just soooo crazy! He hit a little girl for no reason (well, atleast non that I can see). She was just standing there and he went right up to her and started literally BEATING her head and face with his hands! I stopped him and held his hands so he coulndt hit her anymore, and he started hitting me! So I picked him up and brought him over to the bench to talk with him and he just screached as loud as he possibly could and threw a big tantrum. I had Bronwen in the sling and he looked as if he was going to hit her, so I put him in the stroller (I use a stroller for the walk from the car to the playground because if I dont its a struggle to get him to the playground since its a busy area with cars, I dont want him hurt because he is running all over, kwim?) and he just screams so incredibly loud! I apologized to the lady whose daughter Seb hit, and I could tell she was ticked off (who wouldnt be?).

He fell asleep in the car on the way home, I have no clue why, usually he wont take a nap for another 3 hours, not to mention that day lights savings time pushed us up an hour too.

But anyway...where does he learn how to hit?!?! Back up...where does he learn how to BEAT?!?! He has never been spanked or slapped in his LIFE!

My usually calm, happy, little guy is turning into a crazy kid, and I dont know what to do. I was crying on the phone to Andy "I show him nothing but love 24 hours a day and he doesnt seem to care". He's never had to CIO, doesnt get spanked, nurses, shares our bed, has lots of attention played to him and still acts out like this."

So my question is....is this normal toddler behavior or would you say Seb is "spirited"?!?


Jenn

[islandmom]

He sounds normal to me. He is getting used to being an older brother, (or more importantly, sharing MOMMY and DADDY). He also doesn't know his own strength, and doesn't have fear.

Welcome to cuts and bruises!

[Mellymama]

My dd is 3, and we have experienced this behavior occasionally as well. I do think it is normal. We also never slap her, she never had to CIO, we co-sleep, etc.
HAve you looked into Dr. Sears' discipline book?
I seem to remember that you once Said that Seb has some difficulty talking. If this is true, this could be frustration he is exhibiting because he has trouble communicating in other ways.
Also, you have a new baby and there could be jealousy there. . .we have a 3 month old and dd has times where she lashes out at him and slaps or kicks at him for no apparant reason, or screams loudly to wake him up when it's taken me forever to get him to sleep by walking the floors with him in the sling. . .
Seb may be spirited, but I do think he is normal. It's a good thing he is in such a loving family.
I'm sure other people on this board have more stuff to say about it and good advice to give, I just wanted to tell you I think this is normal and it doesn't mean Seb is going to be difficult for you from now on!
Mel

[Carolyn]

I am guessing spirited...plus he has a new sister~not a happy camper right now.

I have had 2 toddlers...one behaved like Seb but to a lesser degree...she wasn't a hitter. But she didn't get the consequences of her actions. It was like she didn't feel pain at all. She would bump and go on...bruised all the time.

It is frustrating and difficult to deal with. The first thing I would do is relate it to the new baby...there has been a huge change in his life and he might be acting out due to that. Let him have his feelings...when he is angry...say you are angry...voice them for him, let him know you get it but you also have to show consequences...immediatly for the hitting. That has to shop...

To just walk up and hit the little girl tells me he is mad at little girls for some reason...he maybe just saw another cute little girl who might threated his place with mommy...little girls take your place in the family...etc.

Get the book Siblings Without Rivalry~it willl tell you exactly how a child feels when a new child comes to the family.

Good Luck

[Travelin Mama]

My DD is about 2 weeks older than Seb and we've been fighting similar battles with her lately. You are not alone.

She thinks it's incredibly funny to jump off things. Regardless of how high they are, or what is located below. She won't hold hands when we are walking (we make her hold hands when crossing streets and in parking lots). She also thinks it's funny when she hit/slaps you across the face.

My reasoning is that she's gaining some independence and also learning how to control her body more and more. Let's just hope it's a stage - and a short one at that!

[hedra]

I vote for getting the Siblings book, too. Gabe started getting out of control when Brendan arrived, even though he was much older. He was a hitter when he was a toddler, too - but that was because he didn't understand how many options he had that were expressive of his feelings that we DID allow. He just reacted with gut, which was to hit (brendan bites, instead, whee - but he's also stopped with repeated boring coaching on what kinds of outlets for those feelings are okay).

He may need nice loud expressive ways to tell you his feelings, so pick ones that are visceral for him - stomping instead of hitting, for example, when he's angry or frustrated. And even though he's not ultra verbal, talk talk talk for him to let him know you're 'listening' to what he is 'saying'.

Gabe started throwing things and refusing to listen to us when Brendan was born. The Siblings Without Rivalry book was a godsend.

Also, here's another classic time to look at how YOU feel when he's acting like this, because how you feel is probably exactly how he feels. Confused, angry, powerless, alone/isolated, ignored, and afraid. Hmmm... sounds like a sibling plus toddler (usual toddler) adjustment to me. It really does work to look at how his actions make you (and other kids) feel, and then use that as a measure of how HE feels. If he's usually particularly sensitive, all the more so.

Good luck!

[mtwarog]

Sounds normal to me. Connor's a bit older than Seb but we have a lot of the same behaviour, including the running off in dangerous places.

Although he's not currently hitting, we have been having A LOT of screaming tantrums. Just yesterday I carried him kicking & screaming from MIL's & had to go back for Heather after I got him in the carseat (not an easy task). And the other day he stepped on his sister while I was watching him and just after I said "Please watch where you're walking, Heather's right there." The little stinker looked me right in the eye & stepped right on her stomach. Luckily she wasn't hurt and it didn't seem to bother her.

I also recommend the Siblings w/o Rivalry book. Lots of good info.

Also, while Connor is talking up a storm, he is getting extremely frustrated when he doesn't know how to ask for what he wants. When I give him the words he needs, his screaming fits often end suddenly. Unfortunately that doesn't work often enough.

[Paige]

Jenn, I think that you have gotten some great responses. And of course I have to add my .02.

I bet that it is a combination of spirited, developmental and sibling rivalry. Brigid turned very spirited when she got older. She always was on a different path than Stu and C but as she became more independent and more secure, she became much more spirited. I am guessing that it started to rear its head around 18 months. She started acting out a bit more in daycare, got aggressive and was always banged up. In fact, I believe that is when she broke her arm. We had just seen Gary Parrish (ER doc who is very fortunately a family friend) for two sets of stiches and we are in there on a Sunday morning for a broken arm. I knew I was being reported. She was running through the house for all three incidents. Her real tantrums didn't start until she was 2.5-3 but we did have some doozies prior to that.

One of the most reassuring things I did was to read Raising Your Spirited Child and I read it quite often now. It just lets me know that some good will come of all these tantrums later in life.

It's ok Jenn... It does get easier!