Challenge for the week... Teenage Depression

[Paige]

This member would prefer to remain anonymous.

She has a 13 year old son and has recently discovered that he is suffering from depression. It seems to be social/friendship issues (lack of) that triggers it, but of course it's not a one-issue type problem. At times I'm really afraid. I've just had him assessed by a Dr. and we've been referred to a child psychologist. He's been okay the last couple of weeks, but now I've just always got my antenna up. He needs extra attention right now, and it's hard to divide my time. She has two other children and doesn't want everyone to suffer.

There isn't really a question here, but she would be very interested in hearing from others who have children who have suffered from some depression issues and what sort of things you did to help.

And I am sure any hints on how to make sure everyone gets the attention they deserve would be appreciated as well.

[1Dawn]

Sounds a bit like my 12 year old. He has the hardest time moving, making new friends, fitting in. Things I try to do.

Talk

plan play dates, ex. "ds we are going bowling on Sun. ask someone to come. Get thier phone number so I can call thier parent."

Stress homework and school. Use the together time for reading to him, helping with homework etc.

activities, guitar, sports, let him try different things. But once he choses he has to stick to it. He would prefer to remove himself if the other kids are not as nice as he would like them to be. Forces him a bit to stick it out as far as relationships go.

Discuss friends, some are little friends, the ones you say hi to in the hall, the ones you chit chat with.
Then there are the good friends, the ones you invite for a sleepover, take on a day trip etc.
Need both, work on both but don't be upset if someone is a little friend and not a good friend, they all are not!

Hug him

Tell him you love him

tell him you are proud of him

talk about his good qualities, funny, smart, clever, can remember things well etc....

Give responsibilities, I will be able to read to you once the kitchen is clean. One of my tactics is they clean while I read. (I am all about killing two birds with one stone!)

If it doesn't get better talk to a Dr. or the school counselor or both.

Dawn

(I still don't understand why each child doesn't come with detailed instructions!! It would make it so much easier

[Liz F.]

Well, I'll speak from the expierence of being a very depressed teen myself. I think all of Dawn's suggestions are good.

My depression was completly ignored or unrecognized, so I think it's great that you're getting him prefessional help. That is an important first step.

I would also encorage him to get involved in activites at school and / or church. If he is involved with a group where the focus isn't on making friends the presure might be turned down a little and he just might end up with a few friends

Another way to make friends and feel good about yourself is to do volenteer work. When I was his age my church youth group would visit nursing homes. This has the dual benifit of spending time with peers without presure and you always feel good about yourself when you're helping others.

Good luck!

[TangoMom]

Ex-depressed and suicidal tendencies teenager here I had it untreated, and exploded back as PPD 20 yrs later...
Paige is right, volunteer work does wonders.
Never, never, NEVER tell him things like "hey, move your lazy arse and stop whining" "you're so stupid to be depressed" or stuff like that.
Make sure he gets fresh air and outdoor time. Nature can heal a troubled soul, I can tell you.
Never, never, NEVER compare him with *apparently* happier teens.
If you're Christian or are into any organised religion, don't make him feel worse for not being happy and singing praise all the time. Remember some of the greatest prophets had depression bouts.
Reinforce his better features, whatever they are.
Good luck!!

[KariLynn]

All of the ladies gave VERY good advice. My suggestions:

Arrange time for the boy to have one-on-one with Dad and/or Mom - no other kids, no siblings, just face time with a parent doing something the kid enjoys that won't be sabotaged with distractions or interruptions.

Engage in dialog like "What would you do if...."
You had a million dollars?
You had super powers?
You could travel anywhere?
You could talk to animals?
You could meet with anyone living or dead?
....you get the idea.

This will help you get inside his head and help him get an idea of interests he may have. After you've found out what his interests are - encourage them. Even picking up a magazine subscription can help.

Another good conversation starter would be "If you could be anything in the world, what would it be?" If he's interested in something, changes are he has a liking or talent for it. Help him explore and develop his talents. Music, art, writing, sports, computer games, cartooning, there are LOTS of possibilities.

I like the idea of encouraging friends, but ultimately, his self image will come from within. All too often kids use friends to avoid their problems rather than deal with them. If he already has hobbies and his self-esteem picks up, THEN encourage him to find friends who have common interests.

Also - don't discount therapy. If nothing works, and you feel that things aren't right, don't ignore those feelings. Seek help from a professional. He may be angry with you at first, but stick with it. It will do him good in the long run. BTDT with my 16 year old daughter...

Good luck! ((HUGS))