My mom needs some help/ideas

[1Dawn]

This is about my niece who is 9 months old. My watched her for her first 3 months 5 days a week. Then her other grandmother came to stay there for 6 months and she has now gone back home and my mom is back at it 5 days a week again.

Problem is the other grandma did nothing and I mean nothing but carry, sing, pat and shush her for the past 6 months. She is sitting up pretty well but is not crawling and has ZERO self soothing skills. She must be held to fall asleep, held to sleep, held pretty much all the time or she cries. There can be zero noise in the house or she wakes up and in order for her to fall asleep again you have to walk, sing, pat, shush..... I asked my mother how she goes to the bathroom and her answer was "when she first wakes up she is most agreeable and will go in one of her jumpy toy things and I run to the bathroom quick". Baby weighs 22 lbs and is very heavy for my 66 yr old mom to be hauling around 10 hours a day!

She needs some ideas on how to get her to fall asleep in her crib. Basically get her to self soothe so she doesn't need to be held 24/7 Not to mention developmentally this isn't good for my niece and if something happened to my mom and my niece had to go into daycare it would be a nightmare for her.

[Gayesy]

Firstly, I wouldn't worry about any developmental "damage" done by the other grandmother. I guess it is possible that she might start crawling later than she would have if your mum had been minding her instead, but I have no doubt that in the medium to long-term, this baby will be doing exactly what she is meant to be doing.

It is possible that this baby is "high needs" as Dr Sears would say, and that for this particular child, she has needed this amount of holding etc. Thomas was like that, and yes, it was exhausting, and he was pretty heavy too. Having said that, I do think there are things your mum can do to gradually ease the baby into less carrying.

I'd probably start with putting baby on the floor with some toys and actually getting down there with her. That way, Grandma is still there, but not actually having to lug her around, KWIM? For naps, there are a few options that immediately come to mind. First one is to hold/rock etc until she is asleep, right until she is in the "floppy" stage, then to gently put her in the cot. That did work with my kids for naps. Or, put baby in the cot, awake and content but tired, and sit on the floor beside the cot for company but without lots of communication, until baby falls asleep. She could pat baby's legs or tummy gently if that helps, gradually removing that help. Another idea is to have a mattress on the floor instead of a cot, and your mum could lie down next to her till she falls asleep, then she can either leave and do whatever she likes, or have a nap herself. Hope that helps a bit!

FWIW, even my super-high-needs child Thomas eventually got to the stage where he didn't need to or even want to be held constantly. He will at 14.5 still give me the occasional cuddle (not in public ) but is very much his own man.

[1Dawn]

Thanks
I will suggest the mattress on the floor to her. She is high needs but I think it is because she knows nothing else. She only knows being held all the time. She won't sleep in a crib/cot at all in the day, only in someone's arms. The mattress may work in time but that transition won't be easy. She does it with her mother at night but she breast feeds. The other thing is sound. She tolerates zero noise at all. You can only hold her to sleep so when she is asleep you can make no noise. Literally a whisper will wake her. She can't go in the stroller longer than a few minutes either. They haven't left the carseat for my mom up until now. I told her that was unsafe and she needed to deal with that ASAP. They should not leave her there with a baby with no way to transport her if necessary. Baby has never been around people other than her parents and two grandmothers.

I didn't mean to imply she was not going to catch up but she is delayed at this point. She does not have the strength to do the things that 9 month old babies do because she has only been held for 9 months. My mom has been putting her on the floor but they haven't baby proofed yet either which is another story.

My mom is just not sure what to do so my niece stays calm but yet moves slightly toward where she wants to be. I really think the mattress might help her. That would mean however they would have to babyproof a room! Neither parent has been around babies at all. They really have no experience to draw from and my mom is having a hard time sharing. She doesn't want to be the buttinsky mom/mil. I wish i were closer I could help a little more besides fielding my mom's many calls.

[mary1]

We always ran a fan in the rooms of my children as they slept when they were babies. That might work for the noise issue. How about working on a nap routine? My DD had extremely difficult sleep issues and I instituted really strict naptime routines with naptime music, really dark room (I got sun blocking shades), and some rocking or walking.

One thing your mother might look for is tired cues. I found that once I paid very careful attention to tired cues and the clock (regular naps) it was much easier to get my DD down for a nap.

I understand about the strength. We had a similar issue with a niece. My mother would get down onthe floor with her constantly, especially while my niece was on her stomach. Over time she will get stronger.

Good Luck!

[1Dawn]

My mom has been putting her on the floor and she is progressing. She has also started not walking/singing/shushing her to sleep. Just holds her and pats her. If she fusses and pushes away my mom puts her on the floor to play. She is starting to figure out that if she wants to sleep she needs to be still. Slow tiny baby steps

I suggested the fan and gentle music to my mom. Will see if that helps her... I get daily updates

[1Dawn]

Oh! I also bought some pumpkin spice coffee creamer Really getting into the Fall spirit!

[1Dawn]

^I think I posted that in the wrong place

Anyway, my mom's update is that she is crawling around like crazy and trying to pull up. Her opinion is lazy adults wouldn't let her on the floor because they are/were too lazy to baby proof! Hopefully they have it sorted out soon. Girl is going to be running around before long and they will have to adapt by necessity!!

[1Dawn]

My niece is doing really well. She is now walking and babbling. She is in a bilingual home so speaking will probably come later. She laughs at all the right places in English cartoons and Russian so we thing she is getting there