Fear of Other Children Dying

[ajpr2]

How do you work past the fear that somethig is going to happen to your existing children or child(ren) after your angel baby? I swear I am terrified that something is going to happen. I keep telling myself "oh you need to tape this" or "you need to take pictures of that" just so i will have them after they are gone. How morbid is that? How do you work past this? Anyone else ever felt this way.

TIA

[Hop Devil]

I feel that way all the time. Just yesterday, as we were driving to see my parents for Father's Day, I kept imagine us getting into a terrible car accident, and that one of my living children dies. I kept thinking, how will I go on if I loose anothe child? how will one twin live without his brother??? It is morbid and crazy. I wish I knew how to get rid of these thoughts. It is quite frightening.

BTW, I saw the pictures of Samantha and she is simply beautiful.

[Margaret]

Dear Alexis,

I don't think it's morbid. It's just kind of who we are now. We always wanted only one child. Then after Noah died I thought I have to have 3 because what if something were to happen to my child after it's too late to have another.

Not taht we're trying to replace, but I've seen those parents who can't have anymore and all their children are gone. I can't imagine that pain.

I think after time, it will begin to be not soooo overwhelming a thought, but for now, you just have to ride it through and keep trudging along!!!!

Good luck and take care of that sweet girl.

Margaret

[suanne]

After losing my brother in an accident, it to had gotten me onto a path of fear. Then when i m/c'ed my fear only increased. I always thought two kids were enough but when he died i was left alone. So now i think three plus is enough just in case something happens to one child the other two will still have each other. I agree, its not morbid, its just what past experiences have made us in to. Im sure there are alot of women who know this feeling, and i guess with the support of each other we can overcome our fears. Please take care of yourself.

[julie]

Alexis,

I know what you mean, every night when I go to check on Emily I always wonder "is she going to be breathing?" I don't know why. I never even had those thoughts before. Our innocense has been taken away from us. It is so sad.
Take care. Also, as much as anyone says "nothing will happen to your other kids" you just never know, and that is what is so scary.

Julie

[Karennboys]

Oh Yes.. I have the same fears.. ALL the time. It is so wierd.. And yet normal for us I fear. :(

[armo]

((hugs))

[brendarenea]

...lurking....

I hate to tell you Alexis, but I lost my dad 15 years ago and I *still* think like that. I think all the time that Brad and I need to go and do things while we can. All of that is much more apparent these days. *sigh*

I read a great book just a couple of years ago called Don't Let Death Ruin Your Life. I don't remember the author but it's a woman. It's not for everyone and it probably depends on your circumstances, but she suggests living with the realization that "you just never know." She has a great guide on different pictures to take of your children so you will have them. It's not morbid. It's just a fact of life that you see differently now. I thought it was a great book, but it was what I needed at the time.

[Maribeth]

Alexis,

I'm in to this conversation a little late but I just wanted to say YES! You're as normal as any of us. After my first living son was born, I made sure that we had pictures of him at each milestone as well as videotape. We had 1500 pictures of him in some ridiculously short period of time. When he needed glasses at age 6, I figured it was the camera flash had zapped his eyes! I didn't have living children when I lost my baby boys but from those I've talked to who did, it's very normal to feel especially protective of them.

My brother died quite unexpectedly a few years ago. My SIL came home from a day out with my nieces and my brother was on the floor dead. For a very long time, I was afraid to go somewhere on the weekend only to come home and find my husband dead on the floor. I think these types of experiences provoke this kind of response. It's normal - as abnormal as it feels.

A year ago, one of my son's friends was killed in a car accident. There were 2 boys (the only children) in this family and they both died in this accident. I felt like I had a cloud hanging over me for months that this same horrible thing could happen to my family. Even though I've lost 4 babies, I'm not immune to losing these two boys I do have here on earth. EEGADS. I guess we just have to make the most of every second we have with them and try to be a normal as parents as we can be (so they can be normal adults). It's hard not to pass my fear on to them but that's not fair to them. We do have a cardinal rule around here - there is NO excuse for making mom worry. If they're late coming home, they WILL get grounded . . . same with dad ;)

Hugs,
Mari