Maribeth
10-16-2002, 11:42 AM
<i>moving over from old boards</i>
<b>oz's mommy: posted 08-20-2002 05:28 PM</b>
My first birth was going to be all natural. I was psyched, I was educated, I was confident. I ended up with a (most likely unnecessary) c-sec on a Friday afternoon (got to get those Doc's home for the weekend). It took a long time to get my body healed. I'm still healing emotionally from it 2 and a half years later. I sat on it for a long time, but now that we are expecting baby #2... it's all starting to come out of me. I don't want another c-sec - it was horrible. The only thing that made it bearable was my new baby son.
After the birth, I didn't get any assistance from my family - just my husband who had a great paternity leave. And a little help from some friends. I wanted to smack all of the people who heartlessly said, "At least you have a healthy baby - that's all that really matters."
I was wondering if any other moms have gone thru this, and what they are doing to cope, and to heal. I'm reading "Rebounding from Childbirth : Toward Emotional Recovery" by Lynn Madsen. It makes me cry - but it's helping. I've been looking here on StorkNet for resources, and I've been to the ICAN website. I also have an appt. with a birth counselor/educator who deals with this kind of thing. No one I know around here has been through this, but I know I'm not the only one.
I've changed practices with this baby - where I am at now has midwives who work with the hospital. The say there is no intervention, unless there is a problem, and everyone is there at that hospital on call immediately. The call themselves the "VBAC Queens" and are pleased by their high success rate. But my confidence in my ability to birth is still shaken. I want to trust them.
>
I don't think my husband realizes how freaked out I am right now. I can't even talk about this without crying, and I cry everyday. I spoke with one of the midwives 2 weeks ago - but she misunderstood some of my fears. She told me I might be angry at my son for the circumstances of his birth. I'm not angry at him - I'm angry at the midwife who was there and emotionally unavailable, and the docs who talked sports while birthing my baby and said "Oh, **** !" when they were sewing me up after. I asked him about that later - he made some joke about losing his watch. Very funny.
Any resources would be appreciated. And I recognize I need some kind of support. We also intend to have a doula again for this birth. I realize a natural birth is probably the safest thing for me and my baby.
Thanks,
Wendy
<b>jenb</b> posted 08-20-2002 07:02 PM
I know exactly what you mean Wendy .
I can't think about Kylie's birth without crying myself.
I did my homework last time as I was going for a VBAC last time as well, but my OB seriously failed me at the time I counted on him the most. I hate having all the regrets and anger I have from her birth. I buried them until I became pregnant again.
I too made a lot of changes this time around, using a Midwifery practice, reading everything I can get my hands on and using hypnotherapy and relaxation methods. Knowledge is my power this time, but I still have so many fears. I too doubt my body.
I also kwym about your husband realizes how upsetting this is. I know Mike has no idea of deeply it affected me. I don't think they can really internalize how we feel about our bodies and the let down of a (unnecessary) C-section.
I haven't read that book that you mentioned, but I am definately going to pick it up now.
I wanted to recommend to you two that I have found helpful:
The VBAC companion-by Diana Korte
and
Birth After Cesarean: The Medical Facts-by Bruce L. Flamm
Thought of a third!
Silent Knife: Cesarean Prevention and Vaginal Birth after Cesarean (VBAC)
by Nancy Wainer Cohen
Another thing that still angers me are the comments I get about wanting a natural birth this time. I have heard everything from me being called selfish, to foolish, and "why not just have another C-section".
~~*Jen*~~
<b> JackieD</b> posted 08-20-2002 07:30 PM
Wendy,
I had a surprise c-section with my first baby too (breech presentation) & was very upset about it too. I guess I even obsessed about the birth process for my next child. This was a mistake - the obsessing part. Yes, I had a successful VBAC, but I was way overdue & had to have some help from pitocin, that was really painful & I gave in & had the epidural, etc. etc. I had my heart set on doing it naturally, but it just didn't play out that way. I did manage to make them wait for me to push my 9+ pounder out, & not get jumpy with the vacuum or forceps. I also failed at breatfeeding after this, so I was a wreck after this birth, even though I should have been happy not to have had a c-section. Anyhow, I guess my advice is not to get too wound up in having things go a certain way. If it works, and you can mange through it, that's wonderful, but please don't set yourself up to feel like a failure if everything doesn't go exactly to your highest ideals. Ultimately it IS true, that the most important thing is a healthy baby and a healthy you. I think the doula idea is terrific. I am also getting a doula for this baby (due next month). Doctors are way to quick to intervene, and husbands (God bless their little hearts) tend to get a bit clueless under pressure & just parrot the Doctor.
Talk to your doula about exactly what type of support yopu want her to give you, especially how far you want her to go with holding out on certain interventions or pain controls. She can also help with the respect issues. I would also have been deeply offended by the jokes you referred to. You can have her set groundrules perhaps about how you would like your "caregivers" to relate to you at such a sensitive time. Personally, I'm at a point in my life now that I won't take that kind of **** from anyone, even with my legs in stirrups.
Jackie D
<b>oz's mommy: posted 08-20-2002 05:28 PM</b>
My first birth was going to be all natural. I was psyched, I was educated, I was confident. I ended up with a (most likely unnecessary) c-sec on a Friday afternoon (got to get those Doc's home for the weekend). It took a long time to get my body healed. I'm still healing emotionally from it 2 and a half years later. I sat on it for a long time, but now that we are expecting baby #2... it's all starting to come out of me. I don't want another c-sec - it was horrible. The only thing that made it bearable was my new baby son.
After the birth, I didn't get any assistance from my family - just my husband who had a great paternity leave. And a little help from some friends. I wanted to smack all of the people who heartlessly said, "At least you have a healthy baby - that's all that really matters."
I was wondering if any other moms have gone thru this, and what they are doing to cope, and to heal. I'm reading "Rebounding from Childbirth : Toward Emotional Recovery" by Lynn Madsen. It makes me cry - but it's helping. I've been looking here on StorkNet for resources, and I've been to the ICAN website. I also have an appt. with a birth counselor/educator who deals with this kind of thing. No one I know around here has been through this, but I know I'm not the only one.
I've changed practices with this baby - where I am at now has midwives who work with the hospital. The say there is no intervention, unless there is a problem, and everyone is there at that hospital on call immediately. The call themselves the "VBAC Queens" and are pleased by their high success rate. But my confidence in my ability to birth is still shaken. I want to trust them.
>
I don't think my husband realizes how freaked out I am right now. I can't even talk about this without crying, and I cry everyday. I spoke with one of the midwives 2 weeks ago - but she misunderstood some of my fears. She told me I might be angry at my son for the circumstances of his birth. I'm not angry at him - I'm angry at the midwife who was there and emotionally unavailable, and the docs who talked sports while birthing my baby and said "Oh, **** !" when they were sewing me up after. I asked him about that later - he made some joke about losing his watch. Very funny.
Any resources would be appreciated. And I recognize I need some kind of support. We also intend to have a doula again for this birth. I realize a natural birth is probably the safest thing for me and my baby.
Thanks,
Wendy
<b>jenb</b> posted 08-20-2002 07:02 PM
I know exactly what you mean Wendy .
I can't think about Kylie's birth without crying myself.
I did my homework last time as I was going for a VBAC last time as well, but my OB seriously failed me at the time I counted on him the most. I hate having all the regrets and anger I have from her birth. I buried them until I became pregnant again.
I too made a lot of changes this time around, using a Midwifery practice, reading everything I can get my hands on and using hypnotherapy and relaxation methods. Knowledge is my power this time, but I still have so many fears. I too doubt my body.
I also kwym about your husband realizes how upsetting this is. I know Mike has no idea of deeply it affected me. I don't think they can really internalize how we feel about our bodies and the let down of a (unnecessary) C-section.
I haven't read that book that you mentioned, but I am definately going to pick it up now.
I wanted to recommend to you two that I have found helpful:
The VBAC companion-by Diana Korte
and
Birth After Cesarean: The Medical Facts-by Bruce L. Flamm
Thought of a third!
Silent Knife: Cesarean Prevention and Vaginal Birth after Cesarean (VBAC)
by Nancy Wainer Cohen
Another thing that still angers me are the comments I get about wanting a natural birth this time. I have heard everything from me being called selfish, to foolish, and "why not just have another C-section".
~~*Jen*~~
<b> JackieD</b> posted 08-20-2002 07:30 PM
Wendy,
I had a surprise c-section with my first baby too (breech presentation) & was very upset about it too. I guess I even obsessed about the birth process for my next child. This was a mistake - the obsessing part. Yes, I had a successful VBAC, but I was way overdue & had to have some help from pitocin, that was really painful & I gave in & had the epidural, etc. etc. I had my heart set on doing it naturally, but it just didn't play out that way. I did manage to make them wait for me to push my 9+ pounder out, & not get jumpy with the vacuum or forceps. I also failed at breatfeeding after this, so I was a wreck after this birth, even though I should have been happy not to have had a c-section. Anyhow, I guess my advice is not to get too wound up in having things go a certain way. If it works, and you can mange through it, that's wonderful, but please don't set yourself up to feel like a failure if everything doesn't go exactly to your highest ideals. Ultimately it IS true, that the most important thing is a healthy baby and a healthy you. I think the doula idea is terrific. I am also getting a doula for this baby (due next month). Doctors are way to quick to intervene, and husbands (God bless their little hearts) tend to get a bit clueless under pressure & just parrot the Doctor.
Talk to your doula about exactly what type of support yopu want her to give you, especially how far you want her to go with holding out on certain interventions or pain controls. She can also help with the respect issues. I would also have been deeply offended by the jokes you referred to. You can have her set groundrules perhaps about how you would like your "caregivers" to relate to you at such a sensitive time. Personally, I'm at a point in my life now that I won't take that kind of **** from anyone, even with my legs in stirrups.
Jackie D