If there was one thing you could change about your childbirth experience...

[Ursula]

I suppose I could say that I wished my baby wasn't breech and then I would have had a vaginal birth, but...

If I could change one thing about the birth experience that I actually had, I would have had the room be quieter. I went into labor a day before my scheduled cesarean (I was 9 days overdue by then, or 19 if you went by the calendar) and there were 10-12 people trying to prep me for surgery. It was so loud and my labor pains were on top of one another. I couldn't speak and I just wanted everyone to shut up. When the midwife got there, she talked me through a contraction and I did great and then I told everyone to shut up. Ah, silence!

What would you have changed?



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Ursula
Me: 35, Dh: 34 (1989)
<font color="#FF850B"><font size=2pt> Dd: May 2001</font></font>
19 Months

____________________

The Goal of discipline is self-discipline.
Discipline begins long before (and often precludes) punishment.
Discipline is training that corrects, molds, or perfects the
mental faculties or moral character.

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[Anna Banana]

With Jeffrey...nothing. I loved my childbirth experience with him. I loved my OB and I love thinking about the day he was born because it was such a wonderfully positive experience, especially compared to my first childbirth with my daughter.

With my daughter I would change a whole bunch of things. I would have researched OB's instead of just going to the one my MIL suggested. I would have driven farther to a better hospital, instead of going to one that is notorious for the harsh ways in which they treat the women in the birth/recovery units. I would have never accepted the Stadol that made me loopy beyond comprehension, and affected the entire rest of the birth. There are many, many worse things that happened during my daughter's birth that I don't even like to talk about because they bring back such horrible memories that I have been trying to shove out of my head for almost 7 years now.:(

All in all, I have 2 of the most wonderful kids in the world, and I wouldn't trade that for anything. Although Katie's birth was rough, I'd go through it 100 times more for her. Jeffrey's extremely positive birth healed so many emotional wounds it was(and still is) unbelievable.
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[kiwicaleb]

hmm, i wish i would have had a home birth. that is my #1 thing, i guess.

i had planned on a hospital birth from the getgo, as we were 30 min from the nearest hospital, so too far for *my* comfort zone. plus, i didn't think insurance would have covered it. but now we are paying down $3000 in hospital bills, so there is no difference really.

Aidan went to the NICU (at another hospital 1 1/2hrs away), the morning following his birth w/a PDA. i blame myself (maybe some of you have some info), as i had morphine during night #3, i just wanted some sleep, i was getting delirious. of course it didn't work (not w/the IV, i had to get up w/a contraction every 5 min to pee), but i wonder if it caused his pulmonary duct to become relaxed and not close properly.

i *wish* my husband and doula would have used the hypnobirthing that we all went to class for. its kinda pointless to do it by yourself.

i wish someone would have told me i was having back labor for those 2 days. i thought it was normal to have some back pain. i would have gotten on all 4s if someone would have alerted me to the fact.

i wish i read "spiritual midwifery" prior to birth, would have helped me relax.

i wish i wasn't so loud and angry during Aidan's birth; it was not fair to him. i wanted a nice peaceful birth (hence the HB).

i wish hospital staff wouldn't have woken me up so often.

its sad, b/c despite ALL the reading i did for Aidan's birth, i still have tons of regrets. regardless, my next birth will be a homebirth and i'll be unable to repeat the undesirable aspects of Aidan's birth.

amy (oops, got carried away, how about 8 things ;) )

[Katey]

My dd was a surprise vaginal breech. We had to move quickly to the OR to deliver in case of a c-section. I wish we'd stayed in the labor room because it would have been easier on my dh (the OR made him very queasy and nervous). I also wish I would have held dd longer...just held her for a moment and then asked the nurse to take her back because I was shaking so badly and having the episotomy sewn back up and I was so afraid I'd drop her because of the shakes. I felt like a really bad mommy for not holding my baby much those few minutes. :(

[rebeccav]

With DS's birth I wish we would have hired a doula. We were so broke we couldn't have afforded one, and we didn't know some doulas work for free. I think having a doula would have prepared us a lot better, and we would have known to ask more questions when we arrived at hospital and they decided to induce (water had been broken for 9 hours).

Not to mention I would have had far more support when the contractions got hard to handle, instead of having a nurse sit there and read through my charts, stopping periodically to offer her hand for me to grip during a contraction. She never spoke, which I'm sure she thought I wanted since I wanted quiet, but I really needed some reassurance. Dh didn't know any better, and just held my hand and sat there in silence too. I think a doula would have made it so I could have avoided the epidural.

And both times I would have been there for both babies' first baths in the hospital. With DS, DH and I were so tired and I was still having a hard time walking by the next day that when they took him for his bath, I opted to stay in my room and sleep. But DH and I heard his little cry from the nursery across the hall and I felt bad.

With DD, the maternity ward was so busy that the nurse was pushing to get her bathed right away and kept coming back asking to take her, and I was still exhausted and finally just let her. Watching her wheel my little babe out of the room in her bassinet made me get teary. I should have told the nurse to buzz off. :(

[Shari]

I think if I could change ONLY one thing (wish I could change many things LOL) I would force myself to voice my wishes a little louder. If I had, maybe I would have stopped the induction at the 12 hour mark and slept. I think if I had it might have made the difference to be able to deliver vaginally. By the 20 hour mark my body was working on its own, they hooked me up to pitocin to augment. I often wonder what would have happened if I had stopped, and slept.

Shari

[rkdaug]

The things I would change with Megan's birth I am changing with this one. For one, I switched from an OB practice to a midwife practice and could not be happier. They respond quickly to my phone calls and answer all my questions without making me feel that I am wasting their time. I also feel like they want to get to know me and my wishes. Another is delivering in a birth center instead of a hospital. The hospitals in this area are not ready for natural births, yet (one just started teaching Hypnobirthing this summer, they should be ready in a few years). I am hoping with these changes that the rest will fall in line.

I used hypnobirthing with Megan and which I thought worked wonderfully, since the hospital insisted I fight with them on issues instead of them giving me choices and letting me make a decision. I chose not to fight, since I was the one doing all the work. It was hard enough to stay focused in such an adverse atmosphere. Fighting with them would have guaranteed me losing my focus all together. I ended up with an episiotomy and a catheter, but it could have been worse if I lost my temper and my focus. I do wish I held out longer on the episiotomy, but the doc was aching to cut or give drugs (both of which I did not need). I felt I chose the lesser of two evils. As for the catheter, I did not see that one coming. If I was more prepared then I would have been ready for a comeback on that one. I think they treated me as if I was an epidural patient and unable to walk. I was never given the option of a bed pan or the bathroom.

I am really looking forward to this birth. If it ends up being a hospital transfer, I know the midwives will go to bat for me.

[karin]

The only thing I would change I probably couldn't. I just wish my body would have kicked into labor sooner after my water broke. My dd was born 36 hours later, and the transport for augmentation talk had to happen. Fortunately, I was able to stay at home. :)

[DoulaAmanda]

Well there are SOOO many things I would want to change so I guess I would have to say staying as far away from a stupid hospital would be my #1 because all of the rest would go away then. I would rather give birth in a car, the middle of WalMart, or a gas station bathroom than a hospital-- they are all safer and more sanitary!:mad:

[missing]

I would have stayed home and had the long planned for homebirth.

BUT since my midwife was attending another labouring woman in hospital - and I didn't really know the back-up, we went to the hospital.

I still feel that I failed my son somehow by having him in the hospital - I so desperately wanted to stay home.

[littlebit]

I wish I had listened to my heart and chosen a homebirth with a lay midwife. That was my original plan but I had a hard time convincing dh so we compromised on a birth center birth. But that ended up in a csection (which SHOULD be unheard of) but unfortunately we whose the wrong birth center. Had I stuck it out with my original plan I think we could've had the perfect homebirth.

[catkrazy99]

I wish I had delivered vaginally. But after 48 hours of labor, 18 of them augmented with pitocen, I honestly feel I did my best and feel quite good about that.

[LDM]

Ahh... only one thing...

probably that I (& dh) remained in control of the situation. I felt before we even arrived at the hospital that we had lost control. There was no excuse (expect fear of the unknown) for us to have let that happen. I felt intimidated by my OB and wasn't able to stand up for what I wanted.

I had never expected the hospital experience to be what it was. My dh and I were completely outside the process.

OK if had a second thing to change (I'm allowed 2 because they are related (':)') it would be that I didn't allow him to induce me 9 days overdue (scheduled because
he wouldn't allow anything past 10 days & the hospital was busy on day 10)!!! He even said that and I didn't argue. I just really wanted to hold my baby.
Well she arrived and she's fantastic & she's healthy and am so thankful for her. But a failed induction, picotin, c/section, and the feeling of total loss of control leave me with somewhat scarred memories of her birth.

Thanks for offering the thread for my little vent of the day :-)

Lori

[Ktyyyyyyy]

Well I would have changed a whole bunch of things, all things that would probably have been different if I had used a midwife and birth center instead of an OB and hospital. But the one thing that continually bugs me is when I was pushing, this nurse who I hadn't met prior came in to help "coach". The whole time she kept screaming at me "push her out like you're mad at her!!!" I hear that awful voice and those awful words in my head every time I think of my DD's birth. How could I possibly be mad at my precious DD who wasn't even born yet!?!?