a little rant

[1Dawn]

I am so sick of my ds's girlfriend's mother. She lives to be in control of her children. It makes her feel important and powerful. Her dd loves her but really thinks her mom is nuts. Her dd is 18 and yet has zero control over anything at all. I am just mad right now that my ds is a lead in a play and his gf's mom decided that she is grounded. He really wanted her there for him, it is Friday night, we would all be at the school together. It is just mean spirited and hurtful.

I am also not over the time they took ds away for the weekend, he ended up rolling down a hill breaking a rib and taking off a huge portion of flesh while embedding gravel into his body. They dropped him off at the front door and drove off. Not a phone call, not a word to my face, nothing.

The girl is really sweet. They get along great. I can't imagine how much relief they both will feel next year when they are at college. Of course they can't tell the mom that the colleges are 20 minutes apart or she would send the girl somewhere else. :rolleyes:

The girl is an adult, she needs monitoring but it is time to let her make her own decisions (at least some!)

Dawn

[PaulaSue]

Wow that mom is going to have it hard ina few months.

[Tami C]

She is etting herself up to be completely cut out of the loop. Too bad.

[Melanie]

I don't blame you for being irritated with her. I would be, too. We have a similar situation, and there simply isn't a good solution.

[ILmomtobe]

Those are the moms who call me about their kids' grades, and I get to tell them I can't speak to them, as their children are over 18, and I'm not allowed to by law. Those are also the parents who, when their kids go, have a much higher chance of going nuts, because they've never had to make a decision for themselves.

[missmary]

Wow. That's pretty creepy. People are such weirdos.

[1Dawn]

I am still mad this morning. It is so obvious she doesn't want ds and her to be in a relationship. When she grounds the girl she says "you need to get her priorities in order". What that means is cut ds out. She is allowed to every other thing in her life, the only thing she isn't allowed to do is spend time with ds. They have been dating for over a year, this isn't a fly by night thing. It is sad because my ds is done with it all. It is wearing him down and it may end the relationship. It sickens me that she just can't let it play out the way it should. I also fear for the girl because she doesn't have great decision making skills because she has never been allowed to make them.

There is a point when you have to move your relationship with your child to more of an adult to adult relationship. Helping them when they ask but backing off. This woman is off the deep end.

[Karennboys]

Yikes. I don't blame you for being mad. We're dealing with a similar situation here. I was driving Ross's girlfriend everywhere for a long time (I actually felt like I was her personal taxi driver :lol: ) but then all of a sudden last weekend the dad decided she wasn't allowed to ride in the car with us anymore. Keep in mind I am an anal retentive safe driver, everyone wears their seat belts, I haven't had a ticket in 12 years, etc. Apparently he thinks that (with Slade and Dylan and Zac in the car too) I will just let them make out while I drive them around. Yeah right. :rolleyes: They also don't even speak to Ross. He's a good kid, too.

[1Dawn]

For the longest time the mother paid the younger brother (also in high school mind you) to sit with the two of them so they wouldn't kiss. :rolleyes: The mom keeps track how many minutes they spend at my house compared to hers. I could go on....

I don't see this lasting much longer. When she moves away she will rebel doing heaven knows what. Ds has matured beyond human belief in the past year and she hasn't been allowed to do so. I really don't understand her mother's type of parenting at all. I can see what is going to happen a million miles off and yet the mom is so selfish and needing the control she doesn't :(

[Fladdermus]

The mother seems to have a definite control issue!

Is it even legal to "ground" an 18 year old I wonder? At what age in the States is a person deemed an adult? Surely to disallow an adult freedom of movement is a case of false imprisonment?

I wonder if the mother has any idea of the damage her actions could potentially cause to her own relationship with her daughter.

I hope your son's play went well by the way and that he put on a great performance despite the absence of his girlfriend.

[1Dawn]

I hope your son's play went well by the way and that he put on a great performance despite the absence of his girlfriend.

It was one a act play written, produced and acted by students. He didn't write it but played the lead role. It was a good idea but badly written but DS was freakin' hysterical. Premise was a parody of Twilight. Ds was a beautiful but very gay Edward. Very sparkly and lots of black eyeliner.

Weirdest thing he had girls falling all over him. Mothers were fawning over him :lol:

[Fladdermus]

It was one a act play written, produced and acted by students. He didn't write it but played the lead role. It was a good idea but badly written but DS was freakin' hysterical. Premise was a parody of Twilight. Ds was a beautiful but very gay Edward. Very sparkly and lots of black eyeliner.

Weirdest thing he had girls falling all over him. Mothers were fawning over him :lol:

Lol!! Well, there is something undeniably romantic about a man who is not afraid to express beauty, even when it is conveyed in an effeminate manner - eyeliner and all ;) :D

[1Dawn]

Here you go Jon the Thespian (http://www.storknotes.com/gallery/showimage.php?i=1394&c=5)

[islandmom]

You have to kind of feel for that mother. She is smothering that girl so much that as soon as that kid gets a breath of freedom, she will have nothing to do with her mother for a very long time.

[1Dawn]

I feel for the girl. She has been robbed of learning skills she is going to need when she goes off to college in Fall. I just don't see it going well. The mom sends her to church weekend camp with the expectation that she has to have made X number of friends and have their phone numbers. Because she spends too much time with DS and the mom wants her to chose other friends to be with. She can't chose who she wants to spend her time with. It is all so wacky. It is all adversarial, parent against child.

My goal has always been to teach my children to be without me. Not maintain control of everything then drop them at college. I just don't understand???

[ILmomtobe]

I feel for the girl. She has been robbed of learning skills she is going to need when she goes off to college in Fall. I just don't see it going well. The mom sends her to church weekend camp with the expectation that she has to have made X number of friends and have their phone numbers. Because she spends too much time with DS and the mom wants her to chose other friends to be with. She can't chose who she wants to spend her time with. It is all so wacky. It is all adversarial, parent against child.

My goal has always been to teach my children to be without me. Not maintain control of everything then drop them at college. I just don't understand???

The mom has really abdicated her duties as a parent. She hasn't let her dd make mistakes and learn from them. That means she's likely to be one of those springs held down that goes spronging all over the place when the pressure lets up.

[Skeeters318]

The mom has really abdicated her duties as a parent. She hasn't let her dd make mistakes and learn from them. That means she's likely to be one of those springs held down that goes spronging all over the place when the pressure lets up.

This is exactly what happened to my nephew. He was on National Honor Society, Deans List, head of all the social groups he joined. His mother (my sister) had him under her thumb at all times. Then he went to college. Flunked out in two semesters, had an underage DUI, 5 days in jail and lost his license for 5 years. Now he's trying to get his life together, but without a license, or a degree, he's finding it difficult... Imagine that....

[1Dawn]

That is what I am worried about. She is an amazing artist. Massively gifted. I am so worried for her. My ds loves her I don't think he will stay with her if she starts to self destruct. He just waded out of that himself and is not in any position to pull her up. Nor do I think anyone actually could. The seeds are sewn and they will play out how they will. It is just so hard to watch from the sidelines :(