How's everyone doing with the holidays?

[Karennboys]

It is still such a bittersweet time of year for me..

I thought I was doing so great, and then the other day thoughts of Luke just overwhelmed me and I shed tears.. I realize how much fun he'd be having with his brothers and it made me so sad. I know I will cry again when we put his angel ornaments on the tree.

I think too now that there are no more babies for me I miss my angel even more. In my heart he'll always be a baby, you know?

How are you all? Anything that helps you get through?

[Wldflwr716]

This is a tough time of year, Luke would be 18 months old and would be so thrilled with all the lights and pretty paper. My niece has a son who is also 18 months old, I usually only see him at the Holidays. That adds another challenge for me. I love my niece and she is such a good little mommy (although young), I just have a hard time seeing her son and not hurting. I miss my baby! I am also feeling the pang of knowing I will not have any more children. I'm coming to terms with it, but it's not an easy process.

I've been throwing myself into my other son, Sam. (I think he may come away from all this a little spoiled.) I don't really do anything special to deal, I just keep doing. =)

Thinking of all us Angel Mommies......:group hug

[Karennboys]

Amber, thanks for responding. Thought I was alone here ! The main reason I didn't discontinue my membership here was because of this board, I wanted to be able to offer support and also to vent, the ladies here understand better than anyone else - especially as the years go by. People seem to think I should be "over it" by now.. but losing a child is not something you get "over", ever.. Anyway, I can imagine how hard it is seeing your great-nephew. One of my best friends has a little boy who is about 4 months older than Luke, and another one has a boy who is less than a month younger than Luke.. and sometimes I can be happy watching them and sometimes it is really, really hard. It was hard recently at Slade's birthday, watching them all play.

I don't know about you but the whole John/Adam Walsh thing has really gotten me.. I just can't imagine losing a child that way. I was so touched when he pointed to the picture of his son, and talked about how they are still his parents and always will be.

I know it's been 6 plus years since we lost Luke, and in general I am doing wonderful, I am so thankful for the children I have, and so happy with my life, but Luke will always be my baby, and I will always miss him - especially this time of year, and of course in September. He'll always be in my heart...

[Tami C]

I'm faring pretty well. Of course holidays and anniversaries always remind me that someone is missing from our family. I mourn my other losses, but mostly it's Muffin I miss. I think about how old she would be, and what we would be buying for her.

Of course, the note in the Cafe about the woman who killed Muffin'smommy's Muffin being released has refreshed it all for me too. And the Adam Walsh story. It all renews the feelings of loss and helplessness. I take comfort in my living children and knowing my angels live on in my heart.

[Wldflwr716]

Karen,
Yes, the walsh story has gotton to me as well. I can't imagine knowing my child suffered at the hands of a terrible man. I know my son suffered some before he was given moriphen, but it was only for a short time and not by some sicko!

I'm also generally happy. I enjoy my life and take great pleasure in Sam; I am so thankful to have him. I'm probably more protective of him now, but that's ok. I would love to have more children, but that doesn't appear to be in the cards for us and that's ok too. Luke will forever be my baby and forever be with me.

I was glad to see your post. I've always felt a conection to you. You were so helpful to me when I first came here and of course our sons share the same name. I'm gald you stayed. I love this board; It's here when we need to vent, but for the most part it seems we are all dealing with our loss pretty well. Some boards I have gone to the people seem to cling to their greif and it doesn't feel like a positive place for healing.
So anyway, thanks for staying! =):hug:

[Jessie]

I'm still here, and doing pretty well. I think the pregnancy is really helping me deal with the holidays. I'm also so busy, that it probably hasn't hit me that hard either. Last year, I was really in the thick of my grief during the holidays. We lost Jalen a week before Thanksgiving, and his due date was 12/22. We were so excited to have our baby for Christmas. At first, I didn't think I even wanted to have a Christmas after we lost him. However, I quickly found that although it was bittersweet, I found it comforting to be involved in family activities, even though I was going through such a rough time.

This year, I have a reason to be hopeful that we will someday be parents. The fact that I still have that hope helps me cope with grieving my son. There are plenty of ups and downs, but I am grateful to be where I am.