10 Things to Know

[taryn]

Hi,

I am already a mother of three, going on what we thought was four. Monday was my u/s and I found out we are having twins! I was feeling very confident until I found out I'd be birthing and breastfeeding twins. I am not feeling a waver of confidence in my ability to do either of these; however I believe that knowledge is power and since I haven't ever considered the possibility that we could be parents of twins, I've never taken the time to inform myself about twin pregnancy and parenting.

I know everyone has their different ways of parenting--personally, I believe whatever works for you, works for you and I try not to label or judge. I am, however, receptive to hearing about ways that make your experience with multiples enjoyable. Being that I already have three kids of my own, I am looking more for the tangible things--products that help, sleeping arrangements that worked for you, reading material, etc. I am sure I will find what works for me as far as nursing and bonding with each baby is concerned, but I would really enjoy any input from the experienced twin mommies.

I have always delivered in hospital without the assistance of an epidural (mostly because of circumstance) and would actually like to continue in this way. I am doubting my ability to do this since there are so many other risks involved with twins. I would love to know what real women have to say about how you can best avoid pre-term labor. I understand that a lot of twin birthing is related to circumstance and maybe the only guarantee I have for a natural delivery of twins is prayer. :)

I have been researching all things twins online and come across many medical journal articles, but nothing I would consider to be learned from. I have so many questions, but I thought I'd start by asking something very simple.

So what I would like to know from any twin moms who'd like to share is---what are the top ten things you believe an expecting mother of twins should know? Things you wish you would've known, things that were beneficial to you, things you'd love to share, things to look forward to, things to watch out for---anything you can think of!

TIA and I really am thankful for anyone who offers information! I don't think anything can be a better aid to motherhood than personal testimony of real people. :)

[Sheryl]

I think having 3 kids already, your a seasoned mom. I know you'll do fine! I have triplets, and no other kids so my experience is different from yours. I actually think you'll do better because your experienced.

I would try to eat healthy and eat enough, making sure to eat enough protein and get enough calcium. Take your vitamins. Drink tons of water. Listen to your body, don't try to overdue it, lay down and rest if you are tired.

When the babies came home I had them sleep in my room and my DH slept in another room. It worked for us, that way I could get up at night with them and do my thing and it didn't wake him up. He did the before bed feedings and the morning feedings. So I would go to bed early and he would carry the babies in after they ate, so I could get a few hours sleep before going all night with them. In the morning I'd bring the babies out in the living room and then go back to bed so I could try to get another hour of sleep in. Sleep deprivation was the hardest thing, but once I got used to living on a few staggered hours a night I did fine. It's amazing what your body can get used to!

I personally loved the vibrating bouncy seats, so I had 3 of them. We had 2 swings. We had bought a battery recharger from Home Depot and rechargable batteries, because we were going through batteries like crazy. We bought extra so when we took the fully charged out we put the dead ones in and by the time we needed them again it was fully charged again. It worked great for us.

The one thing I learned from all this is you can't control life. My dh and I had planned to have 2 kids, and we were blessed with 3, at once! Of course now I'd have it no other way, but it was an adjustment to get over that shock. We had to sell my car because it was too small to fit 3 car seats in. I ended up in the hospital for 6 weeks, I was on bedrest for 12 weeks total. These were all things out of my control, but things I needed to do. It's funny because so many people ask me, how did you do it when they were little? I always say "I just did it" you have no choice, you just do what needs to be done and you don't even think about it when your doing it. We all do it, that's what Mom's do!

Take a lot of pictures of your belly, because you won't believe how big you get and you will forget! Try to enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can and don't stress out over everything you read. Every pregnancy is different, you can't compare them.

I hope I helped a bit. If you have other questions, please ask.

Good luck!

[hpy2bamom]

Congratulations!
I was in the same boat as you (wanted #4 but got 5) but didn't know I was having twins until delivery. I had no chance to be afraid, prepare, etc. They came and I just did what I did with a singleton although I learned to accept and even ask for help. I also learned to say no.

while pregnant....water, protein, and fresh veggies! Lots and lots!!!

If you aren't a weekly meal planner or use a crock pot I suggest you learn. We had many nights the first year that we didn't eat supper until 10pm because I couldn't prepare supper until dh got home from work. The twins had a horrible witching hour from 6-8p every night and Daddy often didn't get home until 8 or later.

Using swings and bouncy seats really helps. I had a swing that fit both of the boys in the same basket for a couple of months...it was awesome.

I was determined to nurse but my smaller twin really needed to be supplemented and I was too bull headed to realize it. Listen to your gut instinct. Always

I believed and believe that my twins came into this world together for a reason. I am not going to separate them. They slept in the same crib until they were 18mths and then I put toddler beds right next to each other. Other people separated, even with own rooms, they have their reasons, it just wasn't for us.

My boys are individiuals and have different likes all on their own. I did not try to force them to be different. I did request that the boys are in the same kindergarten class because it will be easier on me with homework etc.

If you haven't surrendered to motherhood, you will now. Babies first. Don't forget about the older ones. They will be an asset but need their space. I told my kids that I can't do this alone, that I need their help and they did/do great with helping. Family is teamwork.

I didn't buy how to raise your children books, I parent on instinct and what I know is right. I parent teaching respect and morals, love and forgiveness.

I can't think of 10, sorry.

Good luck!!!

[algoyen]

Hi I can relate to your post. I always wanted three, but when our oops third happened, I was just getting over the fact we were expecting, when I was stunned to find out #3 was #4 as well. There is a mandatory shock factor that all multiple parents must enter ;) The length of time to recover varies greatly. LOL I am just one who is determined to have a positive twin experience as I think there are more then enough people feeling sorry for me I don't need to be one myself. I also have two older boys. Our twins will be 1 year old in 6 days and they are still nursing great, they have only had formula once that I am aware of (our son was in the NICU) so I really don't know if they gave him formula or not (I did pump for him but they never mentioned if they gave him formula or not), our daughter had formula once because I fed her before my doctors appointment (to get my c-section staples removed) and I didn't think to pump for her. I found it easier in the beginning to bf them separately, I am a firm believer in you do what works for you. They were EBF for over 9 months (we delay solids due to family history of allergies and eczema). Twins are the coolest thing on the planet (they are your own personal socal experiment) and they are just a blast. Your kids are close in age to my older two and they are just the most amazing help and they just adore their babies. I hope you found this humourous as it was meant to be :) Congratulations on your double blessing they are really so much fun. Oh I highly recommend reading When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads: A Complete Resource By Dr. Barbra Luke, get it soon as she really goes in depth for a twin diet and nutrition for Mom, it's a real easy read too. Drink lots of water 1 gallon a day, I did and I really think it helped a lot. I HTH :)

[Libby]

Welcome again! I second the Dr. Luke book. Don't rule out a natural delivery! If your doctor feels you can do it, then you will. I was at one hospital who told me I would have to have my twins delivered early by section - due to circumstnaces, I had to switch doctors & hospitals. My doctor felt I should go as long as I could & see what happened. I delivered my twins naturally at 39 weeks & 2 days. Just make sure you drink lots of water, rest as much as possible. Do not pick up anything!!! (I know this is hard with other children but you really do not wish to strain anything) Avoid the stairs as much as possible. You will be fine.
My girls were small and needed to be fed every hour & only took an ounce at a time so they were always being fed. This really didn't work out for me breastfeeding. I wasn't that keen on it anyway since I knew I would be going back to work. I breastfed them as much as I could for the first 6-7 weeks & then I went to pumping. I found this to be much better for me since I could regulate when I was pumpinb & I could get others to help me feed them. I also gave them formula at night. This is what worked for me. I firmly believe that each person decides what works best for them. Some people swear by breastfeeding and others do strictly formula. You have other children,you know what has worked for you in the past, you need to make that call - don't let anyone bully you.

And this board is wonderful - we are not as active as we used to be but if you have an issue, we all still drop by and will be here for you. :)
Good luck!

[hedra]

Not peeking at anyone else's:

1) OMEGA 3's. Seriously, these not only help brain development, there's some suggestion that high doses of Omega-3 fatty acids may suppress prostaglandin production, thereby preventing labor. I know one multiples mom who had to STOP taking them before labor would start (she went full term, and she was taking 9 fish oil capsules per day). Omega-3-enhanced eggs, fish oil capsules, grass-fed beef, all good (flax may or may not have hormone-triggering activity, borage is a definite no).

2) Find a flexible and thoughtful OB. Mine was willing to look at my past birthing history, and say 'okay, good pelvis, I'll trust it, you can likely even do a breech/breech twin birth though I don't want to do that...' and he also advised me how to get more people into the OR with me (my mom, doula, and DH were all there for the birth), and was willing to start out without meds entirely, and be prepared for either a spinal (if they're on top of most issues, it is is a 5-10 minute prep-to-incision time for that), or general (3-5-minute), which is usually good enough. I remained flexible (if not full term, or if malpositioned, or if breech, all bets off, and we go with what the OB suggests), and he remained confident (okay, he missed the birth, but up to then, he was confident!), and I ended up with a breech/breech vaginal birth no meds... not the recommended path (breech first does have slightly higher risks - harder to manipulate the first twin out if the second twin is in the way, etc.), but how it happened (see birth stories for my story). The right OB set me up for success, though, in many many ways.

3) Non-fear-based Perinatologist. LOVED the perinatologist. He's very non-fear-based, research-oriented, and evidence-based at that! WOO! Which meant that unless there was a problem, there was no problem. No doom, gloom, no speculation of risks, nothing unless something actually existed. Realist, yes. But despite the fact that we knew I was carrying at least 12.5 lbs of babies at 36+ weeks, he didn't say 'welllllll, you're pretty close, and your uterus is getting stretched, let's get those babies out now!' No, he said, 'go as full term as you can. I'll feel bad for your poor uterus if you go to 40 weeks, but those contractions you're feeling now are not a problem and not causing progress, they're normal, you're fine, babies are wonderful and big, congratulations, carry on!'

4) Lactation consultant who knows twins. One who has HAD twins is good. Check your local mothers of multiples group, they usually have an LC identified for multiples. Membership in the group may get you phone consults for free, or not, but either way, much better to have them know the experience inside and out than to have them say (as I've heard others do) 'there's no way you can do that' or 'you can't pump full-time for twins' etc., etc.

5) Help. Physical, hands-on help for after babies arrive/come home, 6-8 weeks of daily help MINIMUM. Even if it is 2 hours a day, it makes a huge difference. I had my parents and in-laws cycling through the house on a scedule (mom x days, dad and step-mom y days, in-laws z days, repeat next week!).

6) Omega-3's. Yeah, mentioned them before, saying it again, only this time for postpartum. REALLY helps stave off the nutritional-drain-based form of PPD. SO much difference when I was taking them vs not!

7) Take pictures, even if you don't want them. Have someone take pictures of you with the babies, nursing both (even if you feel crudy), carrying them both, etc. At first, you'll be very busy, so have the 'help' take at least 3-4 pictures each day of you with babies. I didn't do this, and really regret it. I have no pictures of me double-slinging except the very first day they came home (and I only used that hold once!). WAHHHH!

8) Slings. Even if you never double-sling, having an extra arm is a life saver. Sanity saver if you have stairs. I bought lightly padded slings (ellaroo), and made a mei-tai (there's a no-sew instruction out there somewhere). Others recommend pouches or wraps - whatever, ANYTHING that gives you an extra arm to hold babies with is a help (even if you've never wanted to use one before...).

9) Good stroller. Check around, find used ones or try out ones at multiples club meetings, read reviews, whatever. Even slinging, I use strollers. We have three doubles right now - two side-by-side, one front/back. One of the side-by-sides is better at 'off road' stuff, too. NEVER would have thought that I'd be one of the stroller-heavy ones, collecting them ... but they're really useful, and more so when you have two toddlers trying to escape you at every turn! I used them to collect the kids from preschool until the snow stopped me... buckle them in INSIDE the school, so I don't have the mad 'get one dressed and now the other has stripped down and then I catch that one and the first has escaped down the hall.... ARGH' routine.

10) EZ-2Nurse2 pillow. MADE for bfing twins. Hands-free nursing becomes a reality with twins. Just use the buckle strap. I didn't at first, and found it annoying. Then read someone saying just this - USE THE STRAP. Tried it. WOO! So much better! :)

And tag on: Have fun. It is a mind warp, but you've got one advantage - you know sibling dynamics already. So you're a wee bit ahead of the game, there. I love love love having these two, tandem growing, trading personality traits back and forth (proving that my ideas about personalities are more perception than reality!), tormenting and comforting each other, the whole bit. LOVE it. Rarely ever say the word 'twins' (unless asked) - they're sister-sisters to us. Hard work, sometimes double, sometimes more, and sometimes way less. Fascinating, too.

Oh, and book recommendations:

Mothering Multiples (new version should be out soon)
The Art of Parenting Twins

Congrats, and have fun!

[hedra]

Okay, can't stop at 10...

Sigh...

We coslept. We just added a queen to our queen, and have a huge-o bed! As noted, they're together for a reason. And besides, they've never known different, and there's no known reason to separate them unless there's a specific individual ISSUE (like one keeps sleeping on the other - and even that may be managed in various ways).

Vibrating bouncy seats are great.

Watch for reflux in the babies - more common in preemies/multiples, and foggy sleep-deprived parents may not notice as soon.

Colic cure: Infacol probiotic drops (available online via european stores) - only solution that has a clinical trial showing 95% response rate (gas drops are about 7% successful). Colic with twins is utter misery, seriously consider this stuff if you're stuck with it (pricey, but probiotics at worst don't cause harm, and at best seriously help both short and long-term!).

Don't dread formula - if you need it, you do, and don't dodge it just because you're not used to it. Fight for the breastmilk, but also be willing to be sane when needed.

Listen to your body for hunger. Ignore your body on water (that is, likely you'll be ragingly hungry in the next couple of weeks, but not terribly thirsty). WATER. All day, all night. Food as often as you are hungry, leaning toward as high-value as possible (protien, especially). When the babies growth spurts, you'll feel it - you'll be starving, and you'll feel stretched. Eat every hour if that's what it takes. (I did protien drinks with frozen fruit in the summer to keep going in the heat.) Dr Luke's book is excellent, only it leans hard on dairy - not so useful if like me you can't HAVE any. ARGH. Elizabeth Noble's book is the opposite, virulently anti-dairy. Okayyyy... can't be both! LOL! Read both, and you'll get a good picture of reality, and what is possible, plus both ends of the philosophical spectrum. Calcium needs aren't really higher for twins, interestingly - your digestion will change so that you get more calcium from the foods you eat (so cool!). So just make sure you're getting plenty of calcium rich foods, and your body will do the rest!

Oh, and my twins are coming up on 2 1/2, and are still nursing. :) So that can be done, too. If you're of the more crunchy/NP/AP type (can't tell, don't really care either way), you can check out the apmultiples group on yahoo groups. That's targetted JUST for AP with multiples, not a forum we have the population base for here! LOL!