Large Families: How do you handle birthdays?

[hedra]

Just thinking about this because DH and I had a disagreement about it last night (really two different sets of assumptions, sigh).

Anyway, we'd decided after talking to my sister (who has three, all the birthdays at the same time), that we'd follow her lead - she does a 'big party' every few years per child, scheduled so that she only has to do at most one big party per year. With us, it worked out best to do a BIG DEAL party for 5 years old, 10 years old, and maybe 15 years old. That gives us a few breaks in between (since two are on the same year). And we don't have to plan out FOUR parties at one time (since three of them share a birthday, and the other is only a couple of weeks earlier).

We lucked out, because the only 'big' party we'd ever managed to put together was for Gabe's 5th, so he isn't short a party (he'd notice - actually, he asked!).

The rest of the parties (1, 2, 3, 4... 6, 7, 8, 9...) are small 'acknowledgements' of the day, not big events. We're thinking 'dinner out' after the 5th one, or maybe a play date for a few friends with cake up to 9, not sure. (DH was thinking 'no party at all, hand him the present, end of deal' - I thought that was too little acknowledgment and was thinking more 'glorified play date with cake').

Brendan is getting a Pony Rides party at the local equestrian center (where he takes lessons), and I'm getting some horse favors and decorations to go with. I'm not doing the full blow-out (can't afford it!), but close enough within budget. 20 kids, an hour of pony rides, we can do that.

So, how do you all handle it? Big bashes every year? Family-only? I'm still looking for ideas for how to do the not-divisible-by-5 years without having them be a total let-down.

[pamiam]

My kids get a big party once. Usually kg or first grade. Before and after that, dinner and cake at home with family. We just can't afford to have five parties every year, even small ones. I also hate having people feel obligated to buy them a gift when they really already have too much.

[Tami C]

We do family parties every year, and ones with friends every 2 or 3 years, starting at around 5/6 yrs old. Kay's birthday is in April and Jeff's is in August, and when they turned 10 we let them have one big party together but seperate. She invited her friends, he invited his. We had the party in June, and the boys slept in a tent int the yard and the girls camped in front of the tv. We had 2 cakes and 2 sets of decorations. The kids came at noon, we did burgers and dogs on the grill. Later, cake and ice cream and presents. Play all afternoon, then pizza delivered for supper. Play until later, then s'mores in the fireplace and the boys put their tents up. They played hide-n-seek in the dark yard, the girls made picture frames and ate popcorn in front of movies. In the morning, everyone had doughnuts and juice in the yard, and they were picked up by 10.

I have a friend who has 5 kids, and they don't have traditional parties at all. On each kids birthday, they go to dinner with just Mom and Dad, no other kids. They give the kid one small gift, and that's it. She says that with all the other gift-getting holidays, her house is overloaded as it is. Alone time with the folks is more of a treat.

[hedra]

I have a friend who has 5 kids, and they don't have traditional parties at all. On each kids birthday, they go to dinner with just Mom and Dad, no other kids. They give the kid one small gift, and that's it. She says that with all the other gift-getting holidays, her house is overloaded as it is. Alone time with the folks is more of a treat.

I think maybe we can modify this one... I know they like to have their sibs with them, too. (at least, so far!) But perhaps we can have an activity they pick for just us and them (library, park, etc.), and then dinner and cake at home... hmm...

[Southern Rain]

We just do family parties at this point. When you put 5 kids in a room with helium balloons and presents from all of them to the birthday child, it is your own big party. Sometimes, one of the grandmothers come and they bring even more children along.

Birthday child gets to pick the meal and what they want on their cake. And, we always do helium balloons. So, it works out fine.

[MamaJAM]

We do a family party every year -- though we do a few combined parties. DD#1 and DD#2 both have b-days in Oct....they've always shared a party -- and the boys b-days are on the same day....so they share a party. Our family parties aren't huge though -- just 4 grandparents - 2 aunts - 2 uncles - 4 cousins....occasionally 2 great-grandparents or some one else. That's enough people crammed into our tiny house.

As far as parties with their friends - those have to be separate.....we start "kid parties" once the kids are in school. The girls don't really 'share' friends because of their age differences -- so we do a party for each child. Though last fall when we had DD#2's party - which was a hayride and bonfire at a local orchard....DD#1 invited a few of her friends along too (not really for her b-day -- but it all happened around the same time). I'm not sure what we'll end up doing with "kid parties" as the boys are in school and start having them...the boys have so much in common (with being so close in age) and I'll bet they also 'share' a lot of friends....we'll have to play their party/parties by ear as the years progress.

[sunny-d]

We have doen a family party every year, a friend party on even years. Our parties are all at our house and not huge, but the kids invite friends and we make them special. :)

[Karennboys]

We usually do small birthday parties for the older boys every other year (Zac one year, Ross the next). Since that's become a tradition we'll probably do the same for Slade and Dylan. That way, we have just 2 parties a year. We also take the birthday child out for dinner, his choice of restaurant, with Grandma and Grandpa (they always pay.. that's their deal :) ) and if it is not party year I make a favorite meal and we have a homemade cake. I think that we'll just have a big Sweet (ok, Cool - they'd kill me if I called it Sweet..lol) 16 Party for each boy in the teen years and keep it to a sleepover/movie and pizza night for the party years.

This year is Slade and Zac's year, but we'll probably make a big deal for Dylan on his first birthday. Ross turns 13, which is pretty special, do we'll decide later if we'll let him do something too. Probably nothing big - he's headed to Washington, DC for 4 days on a school trip in a couple of weeks so that's his big expense for the year!!

[Gwee]

In our house birthdays are a pretty big deal because I see it as a good chance to let each boy have a day that is all their own and because we have lots of family close by so we end up having three celebrations--one with my family, one with dh's family and one with friends.

The friend parties are generally very low-key and vary with the boy. Oldest ds's idea of a party is inviting two of his cousins to sleep over. DS#2 just had his birthday and we had 14 boys over to play video games and eat pizza and cake. It was wild and crazy but inexpensive and fun. So, they have parties but they are not huge, expensive affairs. I see a party as one of their gifts so instead of getting two or three gifts from us they just get one or two depending on the gift.

Our situation may be different for two reasons, however. The first is that our boys are not big socializers. They have friends at school but rarely play with them outside of school so it is fun for us to see them and meet their friends. Second, I was the youngest of six kids and was born in January so I always felt like my birthday was forgotton. I admit to having birthday issues. I loved everything about being from a large family except for birthdays so I try to make that time a special one for each of my boys.