Large families, individual attention for kids

[Karennboys]

I was thinking how hard it is to make sure to give each child - older ones in particular - individualized attention, especially with a new baby in the house. I am one who thinks each kid needs to be singled out (positively) and made to feel really special every once in a while. My dh has been so busy with work that is just me and the 4 boys most of the time.

It is easy to give the little ones the attention they need, but the bigger ones are so independent that sometimes I feel they don't get enough of me - I mean I drive them to their activities and talk with them, but something to make them feel special.

Anyway, I came up with a good idea yesterday - Zac did so incredible in his TKD testing (yes, Slade, Dylan and I all went to watch - Ross is out of town this weekend with his father) that I wanted to do SOMETHING besides tell him I was proud. I had done his morning chores (feed the dogs, put the little dogs in the fence) and told him I'd do the rest of his chores for the day. Then I made him a cake and at dinner made an announcement that it was "Zachary *** Day" in our house. I wrote - "Zac, way to go in Tae Kwon Do" on the cake and he got a big kick (no pun intended) out if it. It was fun, Slade really got into the idea, and Dave made a big deal as well.

I think every now and again I need to do that, pick a kid and have it be "their" day. Zac's smile was proof it works.

Anywhoo, anyone else have suggestions of other things to do?

[Southern Rain]

We do mommy dates. Haven't been as good about that in the last year with the adjustment issues of the youngest boy. But, we're starting to get back into it. The kids take turns going to dinner and something with Mommy. Part of the tradition is that I've always taken them to get a book at the bookstore while we were out. Then, I write their name and the date they got the book in it.

Really, really need to get back to those too. I know the kids miss them.

[Tami C]

I try to make specific plans with one kid at a time. With the older ones, we go shopping or to a movie, and dinner at their choice. With the littles, I set aside special snuggle time. I shoo everyone else downstairs with Daddy, and then one girl and I will spend time in my room, cuddling and talking. They get lots of my time, so it really matters more to me that we connect alone, and for the older kids, the time together is terrific.

ETA- sometimes just a trip to the grocery store for a handful of groceries is nice. I take one kid, and of course, they get to throw a couple of bonus items into the cart. Can't do that when I have the whole herd, or there would be more bonus items than food!

[HFD23]

Those are all great ideas! Kyndell and I had some together time this summer at ball tournaments, and I really enjoyed it. He did, too. Sometimes I'll just go for a walk with him or go in the bedroom and just visit. I *try* to sit with them while they're practicing their piano but that doesn't always happen. Kydrenn, of course, gets my attention now that school is back on. Kytrena sometimes gets lost in the shuffle but she has ballet class today so we'll have an hour in the van alone together.

[miche]

We're only just starting adjusting to a new baby. So far Tommy doesn't want any special time alone - he just wants the baby still! He is really enjoying lying down with us when I nurse her in the evenings and mornings. He'll snuggle behind her and cuddler her and we just talk about anything and everything. Sean has been bringing me books when I nurse as well so I think he has gotten the idea that mommy can't be up with him much, but we can still have time together. It's funny because he never brought me books before! He also likes to lie on my legs and put his head on the pillow next to Sophie when I nurse her in the rocking chair. Since he doesn't talk conversationally yet with his delays I just talk to him and stroke his hair while we all rock. It hurts my knees, but it's nice to have some time with him too!

Another things we've been doing as a family is climbing into our bed and putting a dvd movie (or tv show) on the computer at night after Sophie goes down. Last night is the first time in a week we haven't done it. The kids pick the movie, but the adults have veto power. When it's a long movie we've watched it over two days. It's been a great way to regroup after what seems to happen all day - during the day it seems the kids fend for themselves since I still need to mostly rest with the preeclampsia still affecting me. :(

[hedra]

DH and I participate as much as possible in an individual child's activity. So I took Tai Ji with Gabe (and we practice together... when we practice! Sigh), and DH takes Bren to horseback riding, by himself, no other kids. All the chat in the car is about them, private one-on-one time. Bren and I also had a lot of one-on-one time with the doctor visits, but I'm not sure if that counts the same..

We do a lot as a family, but we definitely try to spend some individual time with each. So far, Meriel and Rowan are getting the least of that. But then, they're not even 2...