Bonding with your subsequent pregnany?

[ajpr2]

Am I the only one having trouble doing this? I mean I love this baby already with all my heart (I will be 12 weeks tomorrow) but at the same time I am trying to keep a distance. I am just so scared that something will happen to this baby and by keeping my distance it will help. I am also terrified about bonding with the baby once it is born. Will I be able to or will I always put distance between myself and this one? And God forbid, if they find something wrong, HOW will I do that?

Just wanted some input from anyone who may have experienced this.

TIA

[franros]

I am right there with you. In many ways I am trying not to think about this pregnancy yet. I am still seeing a therapist and she says it is totally normal to have bonding issues after experiencing a loss. We don't want to get too attached because we are afraid (or actually believe) that we will suffer another loss. I had eased off on my therapy for a while and was going only once every two or three months, but now I am going again once a month for this pregnancy. (I schedule my therapy sessions for after my doctor visits).

DH and I wonder how on earth we are going to sleep if the baby comes home. I know I will feel like the baby will stop breathing if I fall asleep. I even thought about not finding out the sex before hand because then I would just think of it as "the baby" instead of "insert name here". Once I know the sex, I will start to settle on a name and then it just becomes that much more real--that much more of an emotional risk. But DH wants to know the sex and I gave in. (we will know in 3-5 weeks). I am also afraid that if I have another boy I may confuse that baby emotionally with Ben (if that makes ANY sense at all).

So I guess the short answer to your question is no, you are not alone and yes it is completely normal to as you do. We just have to take it one day at a time.

[kittyb4u]

I understand 100% both of you and your feelings. I lost Dylan at 37 1/3 weeks to a cord accident. I was and still am a nervous wreck, I am carryng another boy (22 weeks) and I will sometimes call this baby Dylan. Then I say, I mean Dominic. Well, I promise you that you will bond, no matter how much you want to stand back for fear of not getting hurt. You will not be able to help yourself. I love Dominic so much I love to feel him inside me moving around and kicking me. I now feel guilty for loving him so much I feel like I am leaving Dylan. But I talk to Dylan often and ask him to help his brother make it safely and healthy into our arms. To always be here to guide his brother through life. I know he will. But your emotions will always throw you in a tizzy especially after a loss!
You will never forget but it will get easier! I promise and I have come to the realization that this baby needs love whether he is with me for a minute or a life time. And if he is taken from me, then he and I will always know that I loved him with all that I had. You will come to this realization also. I also think about Mary and Jesus. Even though she knew she would lose Jesus, she loved him with all that she had for every moment that she had with him, how very heartbreaking!
but you will get there and you will understand what I mean.
Best of luck to us all for healthy, happy wonderful LOVED children!

[firsttimer]

This is kind of depressing but it actually helped me so I'll throw it out there.

I was having the same thoughts during my subsequent pregnancy
then realized if the worst happened and I were to lose the baby I was carrying I would have missed the joy of bonding with her if only for a little while. I had been telling myself that not bonding would make it easier if I lost her too, but then decided I would always have regreted not having bonded with her and letting her know I cherished our time together no matter how short.

I also found a prenatal yoga instructor who really helped me with the bonding issues.

In the end, do whatever it takes. My friend said she refused to bond until after the baby was born.
Even after Alaina was born I still remember sometimes telling myself not to get too attached. :( (Which is ironic because we practice attachment parenting) Emotions aren't rational though!!
I know it's hard, please know I'm thinking of you!

[KLT]

I totally agree with "first timer". If you were to lose this baby I don't think the fact that you let yourself admit you were attached to this baby would make it hurt more or less. It would hurt terribly either way. So bond. Imagine how bad it would hurt if you lost the baby - god forbid - and knew that you didn't bond with him/her. I think I would wish I had.