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AquariJenn
04-14-2002, 10:06 AM
We are nearing the end. Only three more weeks to go. If you're worried about how you will be able to sustain your creative energy, don't despair. These last few chapters will help you learn to care for your creative self and how to sustain what you've learned. This week's chapter is Chapter Ten: Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0874776945/ref=nosim/storknet00">The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity</a>.

Goals for Week Fourteen:

* Read Chapter Ten: Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection
* Write Morning Pages each day.
* Do Workaholism Quiz
* Do five tasks.
* Go on your Artist Date!
* Check in here to let us know how you're doing! http://www.storknet.com/boards/wink.gif

<u>Dangers of the Trail</u>

"When we are clear about who we are and what we are doing, the energy flows freely and we experience no strain," Cameron writes. Everything seems to go our way. For blocked creatives, this is a scary feeling. We suddenly look up and realize we are moving way to fast. Instead of playing it out, seeing where this energy is going to take us our first instinct is to stop. Slam on the breaks. Get yourself out of there. The thing that we reach for to stop this flow of energy is different for each person. Some like to indulge in food or drugs. Some like to bury themselves in work or allow themselves to be overtaken by the agendas of others.

This behavior is hurtful. This behavior leads us away from our creative selves, our true selves. We need to be true to ourselves. To stop blocking, we must identify what we are using as our "drug" of choice. Once we have identified these "dangers of the trail" we can avoid them and keep moving forward on the road to recovery.

<u>Workaholism</u>

Our society encourages us to stay busy, to work hard, to achieve success. Hardly any one would balk at the idea of using work as an excuse not to go out to lunch, to avoid to making time to write or paint, or to get some exercise. Working is a virtue. But it can also be an addictive behavior. The Workaholism Quiz helps us to see how we use our time. Keeping track of how much time you spend on various tasks through out the week will help you figure out if you work too much. It will also show you where you need to set boundaries. Do you bring work home with you? Do you avoid social engagements because you have too much to do? Do you allow the plans of others to monopolize your time at work? To recover from workaholism, you need to establish new behaviors to replace the old ones.

<u>Drought</u>

All creative lives are filled with periods of draught. These are the times in our lives when we do not feel productive. Doubts, grief, and sadness are the mainstay. We lose confidence in ourselves and in our creativity. We don't know how to carry on. The faint-at-heart will give up. The courageus will push on and find the well again.

During a drought .... we are fighting with God. We have lost faith--in the Great Creator and in our creative selves. We have some bone to pick, and bones to pick are everywhere. This is the desert of the heart. Looking for a hopeful sign, all we see are the hulking remains of dreams that died along the path.

How does one get out of this period of doubt? Perserverence. We must push on writing our morning pages every day, even if it's painful...especially if it's painful. Slowly but surely, an answer will come. An insight. A spark. If we do not bring ourselves to that place each day where we can contemplate ourselves, we will miss out on these moments of clarity that challenges can bring.

<u>Fame</u>

For many of us, being creative is not enough. We won't think that we are an artist, writer, actor, etc. until we have reached a level of success where we are famous. Very few people reach that point and, unfortunately, it is the media who often makes them so, not their ability to do good work. We are bombarded with news about famous people. Sometimes it's easy to forget that other people have lives and dreams and triumphs, too. We measure ourselves by their standards and not by our own. We may never reach their levels of notoriety. But we can still be artists. Very good artists, too. In order to keep the "fame bug" away, we must remember to take joy and pleasure in the process of our work. That is why we really do it anyway, right? Don't take yourself too seriously and reward even the simplest accomplishments that you make.

Remember, treating yourself like a precious object will make you strong....Try approving of yourself just as you are--and spoiling yourself rotten with small kid's pleasures.

<u>Competition</u>

Our world is one giant competition. We are competing to get attention drawn to our work. We compete for space in the literary magazines, the art galleries. We compete against those who don't even know we exist. Why do we do this? Approval. We want the world to see that what we are doing is good. We need approval to validate our existence as artists. Cameron states that we must approve of ourselves. Doing the work and being true to ourselves are the keys to a healthy life as an artist. We should look to our fellow artists for ideas and inspiration, not as competition.

The desire to be better than can choke off the simple desire to be. As artists we cannot afford this thinking. It leads us away from our own voices and choices and into a defensive game that centers outside of ourselves and our sphere of influence. It asks us to define our creativity in terms of someone else's.

Topics for Discussion:

* Did you read your morning pages last week? How have you progressed since those first few weeks?
* What are your creative blocks of choice?
* Did you set any boundaries this week? What are they?
* What are your creative goals for this week?
* Have you experienced any synchronicity? Have any opportunities presented themselve to you unexpectedly?
* What insights into your creativity and/or blocks did this week's tasks bring out for you?
* What did you do for your artist date? How did it feel?

Edited for links.

Caryl
04-15-2002, 07:02 AM
My creative goal for this week is to work on typing up my grandmother's journal, and visit with my mom about it. I will be seeing my mom this week, and I think we will have time to discuss this project we are working on. Mom found lots of bits of writing around Gram's house after she died, including a few journals, and we want to put them all together somehow. We are still trying to figure out what we want to do and how we want to organize this. Right now, I think we plan on just giving something to family members.

Wish us luck! http://www.storknet.com/boards/smile.gif

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Caryl
Mom to Charon, 7/19/99
Co-Moderator for the Reading Circle and Heart of the Home Forums
"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."
--Annie Dillard

Caryl
04-21-2002, 04:24 PM
Confession time....

I haven't even read the chapter for this week! And I didn't do my creative goal (above). We were at my parents' lake home all this past week, but Mom & I didn't really talk about this. I'm going to try to work on typing up one of Gram's journals this week; I think once I get that done, we'll be ready to discuss it more.

I was lazy, and I didn't even do my morning pages!

Renewing my commitment this week. Again.

Caryl

Jer
04-21-2002, 05:12 PM
Caryl, you are not alone!! This week has been insane-- exams in every class, a paper, work, work, work-- tons of excuses not to take care of myself or my artist! I'm definitely in a drought period-- I just have soooo much on my mind, creativity seems unimportant and self-indulgent. I'm sure that actually means it's at its MOST important.

Every time I sit down to my pages. I feel that I can't bear to face it all. I don't want to write about it-- it's too painful, and I'm tired of dragging over it again and again. So I fill the pages with meaningless babble, lists, whatever will get me through three pages without actually *saying* anything. I haven't even gotten a new notebook yet-- I'm writing on scratch paper at work. http://www.storknet.com/boards/frown.gif

It seems that the more I have to stress over, the less willing I am to try to deal with it. Work, school, Rhi, pregnancy, dh-- that last is a big one, and if I'm not careful, this could turn into a rant about that alone. I guess I'm afraid that if I face it in my morning pages, I'll reach the inevitable conclusion that I'd be better off if I'd just get up the guts to leave. I don't want that, and I don't want to look at the possibility.

How can I be creative with something like that looming over me?

http://www.storknet.com/boards/frown.gif http://www.storknet.com/boards/frown.gif http://www.storknet.com/boards/frown.gif

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Jer
proud mommy of Rhiannon Rachel, 12/6/99
and a new little bug, EDD 7/12/02

Caryl
04-22-2002, 11:19 AM
(((((Hugs))))), Jer. You've got so much going on right now! I admire you for continuing to do your morning pages. My pages often end up being just silly babble, lists, etc., but every once in awhile, every week or two, some great insights come out. I think that's okay; I think that's how they work.

I understand the avoidance of certain topics. I've done that, too. It's weird, because I can have this huge fear about writing on a topic, so I avoid it. Then I finally give in, and I feel *so* much better after I do. Here's a quote for you, from Natalie Goldberg:

The problem is we think we exist. We think our words are permanent and solid and stamp us forever. That's not true. We write in the moment.... Every minute we change.... That is how writing is. Instead of freezing us, it frees us.

It's so strange; you think, when you write it down, you will have to take some action. But writing is action, and you will become a new person after writing, with new insights, and you will make new decisions from there. Push through it, and see what happens. You can do it, Jer, I know it.

Caryl

AquariJenn
04-22-2002, 01:53 PM
My goal for last week was to make a list of specific creative goals. With two major projects looming over my head, not much in the way of creativity got accomplished. http://www.storknet.com/boards/frown.gif So we'll be spending one more week on this chapter as I resume my normally scheduled life. http://www.storknet.com/boards/wink.gif

Caryl - A week at the lake sounds heavenly. One of my dreams in life is to have a little cabin by a lake or river where I can write or spend time with my family.

Jer - It sounds like your life is crazier than mine! I'm so proud of you for sticking with this. The quote that Caryl wrote from Natalie Goldberg is great! We should not fear the words. If you are afraid of their permanence, write them down and then shred them (or burn them ceremoniously).

I've started listening to The Mother Dance by Harriet Lerner while I work out. It is very interesting and funny in places. It makes my workout go much faster. The other day, she said something that really struck a chord with me and what we are doing here with The Artist Way. She was talking about why people choose to have children: immortality, love, acceptance, etc. No matter what our reasons might be, we never know what we will actually receive in the end. We have to be prepared for any number of life altering possibilities: complicated pregnancy, a child with special needs, c-section, etc. Despite all the negatives, each day people choose to have children. They take a leap of faith and trust that they will be able to handle whatever this new child will bring to their lives.

The three of us have done this! We have thrown caution to the wind and found heaven in the form of our children. Our beautiful little girls are the products of our ability to have faith in the universe and trust in what it will provide for us. We need to have this same faith in our artistic lives as well. We don't know what our next project will be. We don't know if we will ever achieve success. But if we set aside our fear, take a leap of faith and do the work, we will reap more rewards than we ever dreamed possible.

http://www.storknet.com/boards/smile.gif

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Jennifer
Co-Moderator Time for Mom: A Reading Circle

Mom to Katelyn Eileen (http://personal.lig.bellsouth.net/lig/j/e/jenneric/NovDec.html), since June 2000
Be the change you want to see in the world.
-- Mohandas K. Gandhi

Jer
04-22-2002, 02:40 PM
OMG, Caryl, that quote is so right! I didn't realize it, but it's true: I have this inherent fear that if I write something down, then it IS, from that point on. I have to act, I have to DO... I'm afraid to just BE. Does that make sense? My world is so black and white-- something is or it isn't. If it is, it always will be. If it isn't, it never will be. I'm working on living in the in-between-- the grey, I guess.

Jenn-- something else that never occurred to me, but you're right. I totally took a leap of faith with my baby. I threw out the pills, tossed the condoms, and assumed that everything would work out! I never doubted my ability to get pg, stay pg, give birth, be a mommy. I ended up with a c... but I coped. I trusted that the universe would bring me a precious, perfect baby... and it did. This time it's been a little harder-- I had a m/c to get over-- but most of the time it doesn't really occur to me that something bad *could* happen. I'm going to VBAC. Worst-case scenario: I try, and I still end up with a c. Well, I've been there before, and dealt with it. Long story short: this is the one area of my life in which "leap, and the net will appear" makes perfect sense, I don't doubt it and never really did.

So the trick, I guess, is to apply that in other areas as well. You know what I think my problem is? I think too much! http://www.storknet.com/boards/wink.gif

Seriously... I overanalyze, I fret, I worry, I obsess. I've got to learn to just let go, just like with pregnancy and motherhood.

Thanks for your insights this week, ladies-- I think these were really important ones. I feel so much better!

You know what else? I'm really proud of us. I'm proud to know you two, and proud that we've stuck through this. Yay us!!

http://www.storknet.com/boards/smile.gif http://www.storknet.com/boards/smile.gif http://www.storknet.com/boards/smile.gif

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Jer
proud mommy of Rhiannon Rachel, 12/6/99
and a new little bug, EDD 7/12/02

Caryl
04-29-2002, 05:46 AM
Yay us is right, Jer! I'm proud of us for sticking with this, too, for all this time. I'm so glad you are both sharing your thoughts here.

Jenn, I'd love to read The Mother Dance. What neat ideas you are getting from it! I loved your discussion of the "leap of faith" we've taken in having children, and how we can do this with our creativity, too.

I did much better this week, which wasn't hard to do, seeing as I did just about nothing last week! I wrote my morning pages almost every day, and I read the chapter, and I even did one of the tasks.

I also worked on typing up my grandmother's journal. It is so fun to hear her "talking" again! She was such a sweetheart.

This week, my goals are to do my pages every day and give myself an Artist Date. I also want to continue Gram's journal.

Thanks again for your insights, you guys!

Caryl