Red Tent Celebrations?

[Nancy]

Susan replied in the Red Tent discussion thread that she wondered about ways to celebrate with her daughter when she began menstruating. So, I thought maybe it would be a fun discussion/brainstorm here?

Ways to celebrate with our daughters
* a pedicure and dinner out together
* start a scrapbook of childhood memories together
* visit a favorite spot and let go of a balloon with a message
* start a diary together, passing it back and forth with special messages for each other

Who's next?

[Andrea_G]

http://www.attachmentscatalog.com/gifts/passage.html

First Moon Passage to Womanhood Celebration Kit

I thought some of you might appreciate that link. I wish that my menarche had been celebrated. It arrived the week before I turned 14. My mom had been at a fire (she was a volunteer fire fighter) and I told her as soon as she got home. She just said, "Well, welcome to the club" and walked away. I was rather crushed.

I think ceremony is something that is sorely missing from our womanly culture. I've read quite a bit about why it is so important. My homebirth was a celebration. And we werte given the opportunity to say something when we cut the cord. But I was too choked up for words. I wish that I had written something down and maybe someone else could have read it.



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~~Andrea Genung~~
Co-Moderator of the Choices In Childbirth Forum (http://www.storknet.com/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=9&SUBMIT=Go)
~~~Formerly known as Mom2MNMz~~
Pictures of my family (http://www.flash.net/~dagenung/portraits_001.html)
Wife of 10 years to David
Mommy to Matthew (http://home.flash.net/~dagenung/satisfyingbirth.html), born May 4, 1995 in the hospital, induced-medicated birth, Natalie, (http://home.flash.net/~dagenung/Nataliepics.html) born July 8, 1999 at a freestanding birth center and Morgan (http://www.flash.net/~dagenung/Morganpg1.html), born April 22, 2001 at home, waterbirth
Childbirth Teacher

"If we hope to create a non-violent world where respect and kindness replace fear and hatred, we must begin with how we treat each other at the beginning of life. For that is where our deepest patterns are set. From these roots grow fear and alienation ~ or love and trust."
Suzanne Arms

[Lisa Jo]

In another recent post to Ladybugsmama I recommended an article in the Nov/Dec 2001 issue of Mothering Magazine. The article is entitled "First Moon Rising" and has some wonderful suggestions for menarche ceremonies, along with suggested resources for more information.

Some ideas from the article:

* Invite a small group of female friends and relatives important to the girl
* Have each guest bring a potluck item featuring a red ingredient
* Wear something red
* Include the elements of earth, air, fire, water
* Share stories about women you admire, female role models
* Sing and recite poems
* Present small gifts with particular meanings to the girl
* Send each guest home with a red candle used in the ceremony

I love the idea of recognizing our daughters' first steps into womanhood in such a celebratory way. http://www.storknet.com/boards/smile.gif

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Lisa
My two precious kids:
Corey 4/15/93
Natalie 6/21/00 Barefoot beauty in her party dress (http://www.babiesonline.com/imagegallery/gallery_image.asp?p=%2Fbabies%2Fn%2Fnatalieelizabe th%2F700774%2Ejpg)

Moderator, Product Opinion/Review

[Nancy]

I had no idea that there was a KIT available for this. What a fabulous site that was, with ideas and suggestions. I'd like to explore this topic more and gather everyone's input and favorite links, then write something for Exploring Womanhood. I think we're on to something!

I really like the potluck dinner with something red, red candles, etc. Can you imagine what fun that would be for young girls to actually help each other celebrate? What happened to our generation that we shoved it under the rug? I'd love more thoughts here.

Nancy E

[Andrea_G]

I don't think that it is just our culture where this type of celebration has been swept under the rug. I think it came with patriarchal civilization and industrialization.

"Immaculate Deception II" by Suzanne Arms begins as a history of modern birth culture. She describes a birth not unlike the one in "The Red Tent". The baby is birthed onto a soft mat of grasses. Then the history moves on to the early 1900's where only women who were poor used midwives and women of means had doctors. And generally, the women of means were quite unhealthy because of their poor diet, lack of exercise and the horrendous corsets that they were expected to wear. Childbearing for them was dangerous and scary. Not only because of their health, but because issues such as childbirth were kept quite hush-hush and were just things no women talked about.

"Birth as an American Rite of Passage" by Robbie Davis-Floyd goes into great detail about how our system of birthing relates as a "Rite of Passage". I am still reading this book and haven't gotten to the chapters that talk about other cultures and how their Passage to Motherhood compares to ours.

But I did read at just how important ceremony and celebration is to our self-image as women and as mothers. "A Blessingway" is one way in which many women are reclaiming this celebration for women.

I did get "The Red Tent". I downloaded it onto my Palm Pilot. http://www.storknet.com/boards/biggrin.gif I am really loving it! I'm starting Chapter 3 now.

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~~Andrea Genung~~
Co-Moderator of the Choices In Childbirth Forum (http://www.storknet.com/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=9&SUBMIT=Go)
~~~Formerly known as Mom2MNMz~~
Pictures of my family (http://www.flash.net/~dagenung/portraits_001.html)
Wife of 10 years to David
Mommy to Matthew (http://home.flash.net/~dagenung/satisfyingbirth.html), born May 4, 1995 in the hospital, induced-medicated birth, Natalie, (http://home.flash.net/~dagenung/Nataliepics.html) born July 8, 1999 at a freestanding birth center and Morgan (http://www.flash.net/~dagenung/Morganpg1.html), born April 22, 2001 at home, waterbirth
Childbirth Teacher

"If we hope to create a non-violent world where respect and kindness replace fear and hatred, we must begin with how we treat each other at the beginning of life. For that is where our deepest patterns are set. From these roots grow fear and alienation ~ or love and trust."
Suzanne Arms

[This message has been edited by Andrea_G (edited 03-10-2002).]

[Caryl]

Andrea, I love the idea of a blessingway to celebrate a woman who is soon to give birth. Baby showers are nice, but I think it's wonderful to intentionally gather in celebration of the mom and motherhood as well as the baby. You can read more about blessingways here (http://www.cwhn.ca/network-reseau/4-1/4-1pg2.html). (Thanks for that link, Andrea!)

I love many of the ideas here for a menarche ceremony, and I am getting excited about planning one for Charon. After hearing Lisa talk about the article in Mothering magazine, I read it, and what I thought was neatest about it was how the mom encouraged the daughter to plan her ceremony, choosing to include what she wanted/needed. The mom did lots of research, but I think she presented the ideas to her daughter and they brainstormed together.

I love the diary idea, Nancy. I might even buy a journal with a blank cover, and then decorate the front for her to make it sort of a hand-made gift. I liked the bracelet on the site Andrea posted, and I thought, "Hey, I could make one of those!" The mom in this article also mentions giving her daughter a small clay statue of the Goddess of Menstration. A piece of art or sculpture about womanhood would be nice.

Keep those ideas coming! This is great. http://www.storknet.com/boards/smile.gif

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Caryl
Mom to Charon, 7/19/99
Co-Moderator for the Reading Circle and Heart of the Home Forums
"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."
--Annie Dillard

[Jer]

There's a wonderful book called 'Circle of Stones' (unfortunately, I can't recall the author) that describes menarche ceremonies. I think it's a lovely idea-- I wish I'd had one. I think we, as a culture, need to teach our daughters to celebrate their bodies and their cycles, rather than to be ashamed of them.

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Jer
proud mommy of Rhiannon Rachel, 12/6/99
and a new little bug, EDD 7/12/02

[Caryl]

I went looking for books about mensturation and menarche celebrations, and now I am finally getting around to posting these links!

Jer, is this the book you were thinking of?: Circle of Stones (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1880913364/ref=nosim/storknet00). It looks wonderful!

Here are some more titles I found; they were listed at the end of the Mothering article that Lisa Jo recommended:

~Sweet Secrets: Stories of Menstruation (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0929005333/ref=nosim/storknet00)
~Honoring Menstruation: A Time of Self-Renewal (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0895949210/ref=nosim/storknet00)
~Blood, Bread, and Roses: How Menstruation Created the World (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0807075051/ref=nosim/storknet00)
~The Wise Wound: Menstruation and Everywoman (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0714530557/ref=nosim/storknet00)

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Caryl
Mom to Charon, 7/19/99
Co-Moderator for the Reading Circle and Heart of the Home Forums
"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."
--Annie Dillard