Lets talk Angels ....

[Lisa JD]

Okay, lets do it and talk about our angels ... I've noticed so many of you would love to talk about them and I would love to hear your stories.

Q: How old would he/she be now and what touched you the most about the time you were pregnant or the time you had with your angel ?

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Me,

I would be 12 weeks this week *sigh* I would be telling everybody at work and really getting things underway with my baby to buy list, I'd probably be wearing maternity clothes. Being pregnant meant everything to me, I could see our future and I could see what life would be like and I just loved itttttttttttttttt. I cherised every single moment and l'm very much looking forward to my next one before Xmas "thinking & staying positive".

Who's next ... ?

[ajpr2]

The baby I m/c would be 2.5.

Allison would be 27 months. I would be working on learning the ABC's, potty training, playing in the pool. I remember her tiny little toes and hands the most. She was so little. 8 lbs 3 oz when she died at 3.5 months. I remember her tiny little smile and the little movements she made. It seems so long ago. It will be 2 years next month and the memories are fading fast. :(

[Karennboys]

The first baby I m/c'd would be 6. The second would have turned two last month.

Luke would have been 22 months old. I remember his dark, dark eyes and how it seemed like I could see eternity when I looked into them. Maybe I could. :( I also remember clearly his soft skin, and the way he'd push his little feet against my hand when I put it there. He would turn his head towards his Daddy's voice every time he heard it, even if he was too tired to open his eyes. I remember his beautiful curly dark hair and how soft it was. I stand at his tree for a moment every day and try to remember all the details about him. Now he'd be running around chasing his brothers, and we'd be having fun teaching him all kinds of things. He'd be pouncing on his little brother a lot, and torturing the dogs.

[Lorrie]

Michael would have been four this past May. I remember planning for him. One day my dh and I did a huge shopping trip. We baught so much we needed to run back home and drop things off. We baught things ranging from the crib to fire extingeshers. The whole time and dh and I were laughing and smiling.

[miss meg]

I would be 22 weeks along now. Probably with nasty heartburn (as always);). I would be feeling him/her move, and probably would have already had the u/s that showed us what we were having. I adore maternity clothes, and would have relished wearing them during the summer.

[ibmommy]

Gage would be about 2.5 months old right now. Probably sitting on the floor here in his vibrating chair watching cartoons with his sister. My favorite moment was the U/S technician looking at us saying "well look there, you have a boy and he is already lounging around with his arms behind his head, yup no doubt a boy" and that next day I ran to babiesrus and bought the cutest clothes and a blue baseball that was to have his birthdate, weight, length, and time written on it and then signed by our doctor. :(


I also could of been about 8wks pg right now

[Lisa JD]

*sigh* How Beautiful to read :)

[Zoemakes5]

You know, I've "been here" so long, and still feel kinda like an imposter. My angel was just a whisper of a promise. I had a very surprise pregnancy less than a year after DS1 was born prematurely and with continuing special needs. When I got pregnant again, I was so freaked out, concerned about money, about school (I was still in lawschool and we had just fallen back into a pattern there), about DS1, the list goes on. Not two days after I started to get a bit excited and "treated" myself to buying a little onesie I saw that was so cute, I lost my angel. My angel would be very close to celebrating his/her 9th birthday next month.
I still have to remind others (parents, and even DH) that I've had 4 pregnancies but three babies. :(

[ajpr2]

Sending everyone lots of ((hugs)) and Michelle, you are part of the family. NOT an imposter. :)

[ibmommy]

I am loving reading about everyones angels. Of course I would prefer them in a different light. :( I am so touched. These are truly such special children. It is nice to know about all the friends our angels are playing with right now. (((((GROUP HUG))))) They are all precious.


This should be a sticky!!!

[KimberlyAnn]

Ok, I know this post is really old but I was searching for something and came across it. I know I'm not really too much a part of this group but I almost never get to share about my angels so I hope you don't mind. :)
My first angel would be almost 4 years old (in November). I found out I was pregnant on March 15, 2000. On March 22, I started bleeding bright red blood and had an u/s that showed nothing and a negative blood test. This is the one that hurt me the most. It was my first pregnancy and I was thrilled at the idea of having a baby even though it was planned. I find peace in the fact that if this baby had made it, I wouldn't have Brett.
My second would be about 20 months old (late Jan/early Feb 03 due date). I found out I was pg on ds's first birthday, May 25, 2002. On May 29, I started having some cramping and had some brown spotting but was told not to worry too much. I took a HPT that night and it was positive but fainter than the one I had on the 25th. I was told not to worry about that either. On May 30 I had blood drawn and my hcg level was 19 (I think). Later that day I started bleeding and knew it was just over. This was one didn't hurt as bad as my 1st. I find peace in the fact that if this baby would've made it, I wouldn't have Krysta.
I strongly believe my first was a boy and my second one was a girl although there is no way to know until I see my angels in heaven. I don't know how I would've coped if my m/c was more than 9 months before I got pg again. I also don't know how I would've handled it if it had been later on in the pg... so I am at least thankful that it happened early on but it still hurt me very deeply. Sometimes I still cry about my losses but I am just glad to be blessed with the 2 babies I have with me now. :)

[Tami C]

My first angel was a surprise pregnancy. Had I carried to term, that child would be my sons only full-blood sibling, and 7 1/2 years old now. I always imagined that baby was a boy, since girls were very rare in that family. I only ever wanted to have 2 children by the same man, and since this baby was conceived after he and I had broken up, this was the only chance I had to give my son a sibling. He now has 9 siblings- 6 half-sibs, 2 stepbrothers, and one adopted sister. But it's not the same.

Muffin would be 4 1/2 now. I never got to see her face or hold her, but my arms ache for her. Even now 5 years later, I still wonder if I could have done something to save her, something to keep her. She was a surprise pregnancy as well, but dh and I were so in love with her we just couldn't wait to hold her. We hadn't started thinking about names yet, but we were on the way. We were talking about where the crib would be. My kids were 5 1/2, so we thought if the baby was a boy, he'd go in Jeff's room, and if it was a girl, Kaylee would get a roomie.

My third angel could not have existed if Muffin went to term. I lost that baby at 7 weeks on Muffin's due date, 2-10-2000. It took me a long time before I could bear to let dh touch me, so when I got pg again right away, we thought it must be the answer we were looking for. But at 7 weeks I started cramping and bleeding, and I knew then it was over. I spent several hours in the ER, with a screaming migraine and starving, because they wouldn't let me eat, for what reason I still don't know. I made dh give me sips of his soda. What difference does it make at this point- if I am miscarrying, the soda won't hurt the baby now, and if I'm not, the little bit of caffiene might knock down this headache and reduce my stress. When we got home, my kids came and crawled into bed with me. I remember clinging to Jeffrey so tightly. I had just lost my 3rd baby in a row, it seemed like I was not going to be able to have any more, and I just could not let go of him. He was all I was going to get, and I couldn't be away from him. Dh had to get behind me in my ear and whisper that Jeffrey was ok, but if I kept this up it would scare him. I knew he was right, so I let go. I cried every night for 6 months. I couldn't let dh touch me for most of that time, and when he did, it had to be in a very non-tender way. I just couldn't open my heart for "lovemaking". We could get worked up, but not romantic, it was too much for my heart. There were times when I thought I was losing my mind. I would see babies in stores and flee in tears. Even babies on tv upset me. At the end of the Drew Carey show they show a giggling ultrasound baby, and I had to stop watching the show altogether because I knew it was coming.

[My Boy's Mom]

My Angel would be 5 months old now. Although I MC'd early, the loss was emotional and painful. I did not mention it to others IRL, but my due date, the date I found out there was no heart beat and the day I had my D and C were all difficult days for me this year. Many people do not understand.

[aliboo]

I just wanted to say that my baby Jo/e would have been 17 years old this year, if I hadn't miscarried. Isn't that just unbelievable!

I would hope he or she would have been studying getting ready for going to University. But really just enjoying an active, healthy and positive life.

I was raw for my baby for about 10 years, even after my darling Ed was born. Then I had a most amazing yet simple experience of healing. Generally, I feel OK now.

ETA: I guess I rarely talk about it (or them, I had 2 miscarriages, one at 6 weeks too), because like some others have mentioned, I never held my baby. I am sure my experience, although important to me, is not ths same as those whose babies were born, and then died, or were born sleeping.

Hugs to everyone

Aliboo

[Lisa JD]

Wowwww, and this has become a sticky, how beautiful!

I would have been 25 weeks by now *sigh* would be buying all pinks or all blues *big sigh* picking out names officially and I would be teaching somebody else my job at work .. I plan on leaving at 30 weeks when I'm pregnant. Oh - SO so sad ~ Staying positive though!

[Krista]

Hi there. I don't post here much either, but this thread was so beautiful that I thought it would be a good place to remember my angel. I m/c at 9 weeks in September '01, as it turned out, my baby stopped growing on my second child's 4th birthday. :( He (I think it would have been a he for some reason) would be 2 1/2 now.

I had a hard time with that loss. It was an unplanned pregnancy and my dbf urged me to abort it. I was adamant that I would NOT do that - to me it would have been like killing one of my boys. He finally got the point where he accepted it, had seen an ultrasound with a strong heartbeat, and was really excited. I went in for my normal check-up and on a whim the midwife said, "well, let's take a look to check out our dates". They took me in there and tried to find a heartbeat with the regular u/s wand. Then they had me go pee and tried a vaginal u/s. I sat there in shock and horror as I looked at my sweet little peanut and didn't see any signs of life. I had just seen a wiggly little bean a week earlier! I absolutely came unglued. All I could think, over and over, was "do something!! help my baby!!". It was awful, I was there all alone.

I cried nearly everyday for a year and a half. The whole time I was pregnant with Brenna I worried that something would happen to her. Not until I held her in my arms was I even remotely comforted.

Like others have said, if I hadn't lost that baby, then I probably wouldn't have my sweet, long awaited little girl. She is truly the light of my life, but there will always be a missing piece.

[aliboo]

I lost my first baby at 20 weeks also. It was one of the most devastating and painful experiences I ever had.

[o2BaMom]

Baby one would be 3, Maegan is 1.5, baby 3 would be 5.5 months, and baby 4 would be still cooking in the oven (s/he's still there, my body doesn't want to let go yet)... I'd have my complete family by October of this year. I guess we would be debating putting baby 1 into preschool in September... and I guess we would be enjoying baby 3 learning to roll over and making sounds and getting ready to introduce solid foods, and we would be getting ready to tell people about baby 4 being on the way. As it is... we are just trying to enjoy every second of Maegan's life... as you are never guaranteed a tomorrow and I will never take my baby girl for granted, since I DOUBT we will try again, every second with Maegan is even MORE precious.

[Shari]

I mostly lurk in here, especially when anniversaries are approaching.


My angel would have turned 4 in January. It will be 5 years this June since my m/c at 9 weeks. It was a devestating blow and a life changing loss. I wasn't ready for a pregnancy, but fell inlove so easily. He found a place inside my soul forever very quickly and left footprints on my heart.

Like others have said, if I hadn't lost that baby, then I probably wouldn't have my sweet, long awaited little girl. She is truly the light of my life, but there will always be a missing piece.

This is exactly how I feel... Gregory was conceived shortly after my m/c. If I hadn't lost my first baby, perhaps I wouldn't have him. Though there is a missing piece in my family, my angel is always in my heart.

What a beautiful thread

[Scout]

George Henry would have turned three in November. :( I would have so loved to have seen him grow and change.

[AmyA]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. My 1st angel would be the exact same age as my ds (2). It was his twin. I often wonder what he or she would've been like. I would've loved to see my ds and our angel together. My 2nd angel would be around 9 months old. My 3rd angel would be about 1 month old. Finally, I would be pregnant now w/ my last. For me, the pure elation of being pg was the best part. Just wondering if it was a boy or girl was so exciting. It was so hard to go through the let downs and losses. I'm hoping this is one little soul that will find its way back to us some how.

[Trouty]

What a lovely thread. I have never experienced a loss but I know that pain my Mum has gone through over the years after losing my brother who was born before me. Ian would have been 41 on Sept 29th and not a day goes by that my mum has not kept his memory alive. She has never gotten over her loss but has learned to deal with it and I know he lives on in all our family's hearts. My mum often wondered if he had lived would she have had me and her 4 wonderful grandchildren.
I think the support and empathy you all show each other is wonderful. :hug:

[miss meg]

I attended a memorial service for my great-aunt over the weekend. She was my grandmother's last surviving sister (grandma passed 2 years ago). My aunt's dh had passed away in 2000.

Anyways, during the eulogy, I discovered that in addition to the two sons I knew my aunt had, she had a daughter Judith Ann who had been born very sick and died at 10 months old, and a son Matthew who was either stillborn or passed away shortly after birth.

The minister made a lovely statement that Margie was now returned to her husband, her sisters, and her children with God. It brought tears to my eyes.

[Brandy79]

At first I thought that I shouldn't add, but I thnk I will feel better if I do. I just lost my baby this week at 11 weeks. I was so looking forward to it. Although, I have 4 other children I still have this emptiness inside. This pg was between me and my hs sweetheart. We started dating 12 years ago when I was only 15. We dated until I was 17 and broke up. The next year I married my children's father, and that ended in divorce. I just found Joel again a few months ago. He has no children and we found the love again that we had lost so long ago. This baby meant so much to us and especially to him. :(