View Full Version : crying in arms
04-14-2004, 09:51 PM
okay we are having HUGE problems with trying to get Jasmyn to sleep better. it just keeps getting worse, i think. she wakes up every few hours, sometimes every few minutes. she sits up and starts crying. she won't stop until i go in there, and i usually have to nurse her back to sleep.
this didn't used to be a problem, or at least i dealt with it better. but it's been 13 months of this and i am burning out. so we have decided we need to do something. this will include seeing a pediatrician soon, as i think some of it may be reflux related (or possibly allergies.) FYI, we cosleep the last part of the night, but the first part of the night she is in her crib in her own room, and i am hoping that eventually she can spend the whole night in there. she sleeps better in there, and so do i, but it gets so late that i can't stay awake to nurse her back to sleep anymore, so at that point i take her to bed with me.
i have been sending dh in there sometimes when she cries now. but she just keeps screaming and screaming, and hysterically too. now if i go in, she will calm down almost immediately, especially if i nurse her. but with daddy, she will scream for literally 20 minutes in his arms until she finally passes out.
i know "they" say it's not CIO if she is with a loving parent who is responding to her while she cries. but this doesn't feel like a good thing to us. she is so hysterical i don't know if she even realizes he is there trying to comfort her. and she is screaming so hard, that it just can't be healthy. yet if i keep going to her instead, she won't learn to let daddy comfort her. and i badly need him to, coz i can't keep doing 100% of the nighttime parenting or i will have a nervous breakdown.
what do i do? i refuse to let her CIO, i am tired of cosleeping (and she doesn't sleep any better that way anyways,) i am tired of nursing her to sleep 10 times a night, the NO Cry sleep solution isn't really working, and i'm not entirely sure how much of this might be medical and how much is just ingrained habit. i NEED more sleep. is letting her scream in daddy's arms any better than CIO? coz it doesn't feel like it is.
04-15-2004, 06:03 AM
Can you bring her crib into your room? This way when she wakes the first thing she will see is you. Dont put bumper pads on that side of the crib so that she can see out without sitting up. It will make it easier for you to transition as well. You can nurse her back to sleep then put her back in her crib, perhaps you can get a little extra sleep while nursing her. As she gets used to this she may be able to open her eyes, see you are still there, and hopefully just fall back to sleep.
By cosleeping the second half of the night you are showing her that one of these times, when she wakes up, you will take her into your room with you. She's old enough now to recognize the pattern and that is probably why it is getting worse. If you bring the crib into your room it allows you to be more consitant with keeping her in the crib, while soothing her anxiety about being away from you. And you'll get more sleep. As she gets older and is used to sleeping in her crib all night, you can start transitioning her out of your room.
When I transitioned my girls we started by letting them sleep in a toddler bed in our room. This way they could still climb into our bed but we could put them back. As they got used to their new bed they realized we were still with them. Eventually they would get a big girl bed and be very excited, but they had to go to their new room for it. We left the toddler bed up so they could still come back if they needed too. Now #2 is starting to just climb in bed with #1.
04-15-2004, 11:52 AM
i don't think we have room for the crib in our room...i have set up a playpen beside our bed, it was supposed to be for that purpose, but she hasn't slept in it yet. maybe i'll start trying to put her in there. although i fall asleep while nursing her, and then i don't end up moving her. :rolleyes:
04-15-2004, 12:46 PM
I'm guilty of that too. I fall asleep and dont put them back until I wake up a few hours later :rolleyes: Try the playpen and see if that will work for her. Its just to get her used to not sleeping with you, and that you are still there at night time. You might have a few rough nights of in and out, but I would hope she'll like it better than her far away crib. GL!
PS. Maybe check out Hedra's fussy links to see what else she might be going thru. She may just be having a "stage" where she needs alot of comfort.
04-15-2004, 07:15 PM
I just want you to know that there IS light at the end of the tunnel. I have been through or am going though this exact thing with both my girls. At one point things were so bad with Andrea we literally broke down the crib she never slept in anyway, and put a full size box spring and mattress on the floor. I started sleeping in the bed with her in her room, then I would just get out of her bed at night and go to my own whenever I woke up. Slowly, VERY slowly she started sleeping better and better on her own. THEN, she moved into the other bedroom to make room for Victoria. She was about 20 mos then and we painted the walls pink, her fav color and put her into a toddler bed. Yet another improvement in her sleep. She still at 3 will several nights a week come climb in bed with us, but she is also not a nurser and able to put herself back to sleep at this stage of the game.
Victoria on the other hand would have nursed all night long if I had let her. I wanted her to take a pacifier soooooo bad I would literally cry over it. I NEEDED her to have comfort in other ways too. I wasn't all for the pacifier but I was at a breaking point with TWO children who did not sleep thru the night. It was very common place for me to have one in my arms on the couch at midnight, and sure enough we would add another to the couch. Then repeat 1-2 hours later all night long. I just couldn't take it. Niether of my girls wanted comfort from daddy. We kept pushing it though. We HAD to. I was not being a very good mother to either of them being so sleep deprived. All I could think about was nap time and I was B****Y!!!!!! I am typically a VERY easygoing person, but days and nights for weeks, months and now years with VERY limited sleep will make me lash out at just about anyone for unknown reasons. Victoria is now 14 months and still not sleeping all night but some nights she does and she does it in her crib. I did the No Cry Sleep Solution. I had to change up some things and it took about 4 mos to date for it to work. We have managed to get her to the point where she now goes to sleep at bedtime and throughout the night with no breast btle or pacifier. I rock her over my shoulder with a blanket and clasical music. Most nights I can lay her down in a drowsy or wide awake state. This is rolling over into naps thru the day too. Our newest challenge is getting her to allow daddy to put her to bed. We rotate nights. One night I put Victoria down and daddy puts Andrea to bed and the next night we switch. Victoria isn't her happiest about it, but after 2 wks, she is getting used to it. There have been a couple nights where I had to go in and take over for daddy, but for the most part she is doing really well with it. I used to always go right to her as soon as I heard her at night. I have now turned off the baby monitor as I would respond to the smallest noise. She is right next door so I definately hear her if she really needs me. I have noticed that some nights she will wake and start to jabber to herself and then start to get a bit fussy, but not really crying. If I stay out of her room she will go back to sleep, but if I go in there she could be up for hours. If the fussiness turns into an actual cry, I go right to her, and often lay on the couch with her instead of our bed. I am usually there with her for about an hour and then I put her back in her crib where she will usually remain until morning. I sought out tons of advice from parents whose kids slept and none really worked for me. I followed my instincts combined with the No Cry Sleep Solution and FINALLY it all started to come together. it will for you to. I know you are at the end of your rope, but believe it or not, This too shall pass. Good luck and lots of hugs. I really do know exactly how you are feeling.
BTW: I LOVE your new AV. Absolutely precious!!! I saw it on BB03, but didn't get a chance to reply as I am not over there much anymore.
04-16-2004, 06:00 AM
Yikes Robyn! You need to get that little lady to cooperate with Daddy a bit more.
Something that has worked occasionally (though not always) and may be worth a shot:
Have your DH hold her TIGHT (but in a loving way, you know) and just keep whispering (loudly) "shhhhhhhhhhhh" in her ear. Sometimes the "white noise" of that will soothe Jonathan he will drift off without me.
04-16-2004, 07:02 AM
She's smack in the middle of a fussy stage, I think. One of the symptoms of that is that daddy won't do. REALLY won't do.
Hang in there until it passes, and then try again. There's an easy stage coming soon, see if you can take advantage of it!
(14 months is another bad one - be prepared!)... (and then 18 months and 20-22 months... but then they start to really stretch out and you get big gaps of 'good zones')
Oh, and maternal "I CANNOT STAND IT ANYMORE, SOMETHING MUST CHANGE!" is another typical fussy stage sign. (sound familiar?)
Hang in there, it does NOT last forever.
Also, we thought we couldn't fit in a crib in our room. DH measured and figured and we completely rearranged our room, but it worked. Might be worth a detailed examination.
04-17-2004, 07:54 PM
((HUGS)) My oldest daughter was that way. She hated her crib and never took to her toddler bed either. She is still cosleeping with me. My 9 month old son seems to prefer his crib (thankfully). I tried everything with her but never found anything that worked. I'm not saying this to burst your bubble, just wanted to say some children just don't like being alone for too long.
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