Just needing support

[GothicQueen]

I have passed 11 weeks, and despite the fact that there is NO spotting, No cramping I am STILL morning sick, but I cannot get it ino my head right now that it's okay to relax and let baby grow. I just keep thinking I'm going to go to my next prenatel appointment and they will telll me they can't find the heartbeat even tho I will be 13 weeks, and then another ultrasound, only to find the baby stopped growing. I desperatly want to start making concretet plans for this baby, I want to start getting baby stuff because this is my THIRD try and I have never had a baby to shop for. I want to start buying maternity cloths, even tho I have no real belly to speak of.
I can't bring myself to do any of those things, I'm so scared something is going to happen. I wish I had a HUGE belly and that I could feel my uterus bump, and the baby was kicking, but that won't happen untill around 2o weeks, and I am only half way there. 10 weeks can be a lifetime.
The m/s doesn't even cheer me up because I have read about people that have had there baby pass away, and they didn't know and had morning sickness for weeks after.
Plus I have started to get all achy and stiff when I try to sleep, and I keep thinking oh-no, what if something has happened and thats why I am so stiff from sleeping. I know it's probably from my nasty ol full size bed, and not having enough room in it, but common sense isn't much comfort to me. I wish I could just open my belly button and peek in at th baby, and be like 'oh hello Jr how you doin today??'
Well, I had better go have a bath, I didn't take my makeup off last night and I look a trainwreck.
Bea

[suanne]

I know how you feel. Im hitting the 36 week mark and still cant come up with a name etc. This pregnancy started with bleeding and spotting for over 4 weeks. I expected to miscarry but baby held on. Its so hard to let go of the fear. I think thats just expected once you experience a loss. I try not to let the fear overwhelm me now. If i dont feel the baby move for a couple of hours i try not to freak and think to myself " i cant see inside my uterus, theres nothing i can do, i'll just leave it up to god, and hope that nothing goes wrong." I know stressing will cause me more harm. It was hard for me to stop freaking when i didnt feel movement but now with that thinking its easier. I pray for you and your little one and hope that everything works out perfectly for you. ((HUGS))

[amandabeth]

I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. Reading your post is like reliving my pregnancy with benji. I think I wanted to convince myself that the pregnancy was doomed because on some subconscious level I thought it would be easier than dealing with another loss. The reality of it was , that I was attached from the moment the stick turned blue, and I knew that if something happened ,I wasn't fooling myself one bit, it would be devastating. My very wise OB said she was certain I would not feel a bit relaxed until I began feeling regular strong movement, and she was right. I rented a babybeat doppler so that I could listen for the hb everyday. It helped me a a lot. Try not to read into every symptom or lack there of.

I wish I had some magic words or advice that would suddenly make it all okay.Take it one day at a time, one apptointment at a time. Let other people know how worried you are from time to time, so they can lend you support. Let your OB know how worried you are so that he/she might find ways to alieviate some of your anxiety.

Gentle (((((hugs)))))

[Margaret]

Dear Bea,

Me too. It's so hard after losses to feel any real connection or reality to a preg. You just are sure that something is going to happen. I have no pearl of wisdom for you. Just try to enjoy this little bugger and take a deep breath.

good luck to you!!!

Margaret

[ajpr2]

What you are feeling is totally normal. Pregnancy after a loss is so hard. Just take things one day at a time.

[Hop Devil]

I can't even imagine how difficult this must be for you. (((Hugs)))

[Jennifer B]

Bea~You posted my thoughts. I am right there with you. I recently had a scare with some bleeding, and immediately thought, oh, that's it, it's over. I was actually shocked at the dr.s office when he found the heartbeat no problem and said aren't you happy? Um, no, because in a weird way I could deal with loss easier than I can deal with the uncertainty of the pregnancy at this stage.

I have no answers or advice...I just go through one day at a time, feel free to PM if you want to vent your thoughts/feelings, since I am going through the exact same thing...I think I'm only a couple weeks ahead of you.....I even thought about asking about anti-depressants at my next appt., I seriously am having doubts as to my mental status right now.....it's insane. I think I told this to you before, but I almost wish we hadn't gotten pg again....it's like if I hadn't then, I could just say we tried and it didn't work...sorry for the rambling mess on your post....

{{hugs}}