feeling lost

[gamergal]

I really need your advice. I am curently on doctor #3. I disliked the first one, and switched over to a midwifery practice. They were great, only now I have gestational diabetes they can't see me any more. They referred me to an MD who works in the same office, and I had my first appointment with her today. She was bossy, didn't listen, and did not want to spend any time with me. She also described her approach to birth as "aggressive", and said she pushes pitocin, epidurals and constant monitoring. When I expressed my hesitation, she started telling me horror stories of women who were just plain stupid and had sick babies as a result. I am not stupid, I am not going to wait 36 hours after my water breaks to give birth, but I don't want constant monitoring if I don't have to have it, and I don't want an epidural, and I would rather not be induced if it can be avoided without risk to me or the baby.

So now I am very depressed and overwhelmed. I don't know what to do. I am 30 weeks pregant, and I just don't have the energy to go looking for another doctor, but I don't want to see her again. But then I wonder, what if the next one is worse? Should I just deal with her and quit whining?

[kiwicaleb]

i don't have much time, so i'll be quick :)

as you'll be parenting w/your instincts, you should also go w/your instincts on this one.

she is telling you (not asking) that you WILL have pitocin (which could very well lead to an epidural), constant fetal monitoring, and god knows what else. AND if the birth goes badly, she will say it is your fault (she'll find a way to show that you're "stupid", should have had the pitocin earlier, the epidural earlier). hey, why don't you make her job easier and ask her for a sceduled c-section. i'm sure that would make her quite happy. :rolleyes:

i would (obviously) choose another practioner. she is guaranteeing you a birth you do not want.

i know andrea has a story about someone who decided to get a new dr during labor, so at 30 weeks, you STILL have plenty of time.

***hugs***
amy

[Amieee]

I agree with Amy.
It is stressful to change caregivers, I know I am going through it and I am only hald as far along as you are. But there has to be someone else better than what you described. At least she was up front with you! Better to find out at 30 weeks than in labor like many do.
Here is what I did to find a list of potential caregivers:
I went to the midwife.org site and went to the find a midwife link and typed in my area.
I know you are concerned with not finding a midwife who will see you if you have GD. I asked the midwife at the center I went to the other day "What if I get GD" and she said as long as it is not insulin dependant, it is OK that they still see me and I birth there.
Even if a midwife can't see you, you can find out who their backup Dr's are. That would most likely keep you away from the type you described.
Good luck!!!

[karin]

toh

run while you can! i would keep looking; it is never too late to change caregivers. i have a friend who did so in labor! this ob will manage your labor. telling horror stories is a terrible way to gain trust. i agree with amieee about gd...here as long as you are controlling your gd with diet/exercise, you are eligible for midwifery care.

ps-my water was broken for 36 hours before dd came and she's perfect

[BrandiL]

toh

I know it is stressful to change dr's at this point, but this one sounds horrible!

Good luck finding one that is more in line with your birthing philosophies.

[metta4]

Keep looking!!! You still have time. I fired my ob at 33 weeks b/c he told me that if I attempted to vaginally birth my baby I would have "a dead baby". He could give me no good reasoning for why I could not attempt to vaginally birth this child. Not to mention the fact tht he went through my birth plana dn one by one discounted what i said I wanted to do (ie: walk around during early labor, use a birth ball, no epidural or other meds, etc).

Call friends and get referrals, call every dr office inthe phone book...look for midwives who may still be will to see you even with the diabetes (who maybe have drs who just back them up in case of emergency). I know how anxiety provoking it can be to tackle this so far along inyour pregnancy but you do have time!!!

Take care and good luck.

[miche]

I was borderline GD (depending who you ask) during my last pregnancy. It was prefectly controlled by diet. My original OB, who I knew I was switching from when insurance allowed me to, was high intervention and pushed an ERC. I saw a midwife on the side and she was perfectly willing to take me eventhough I was a VBAC and had GD. Actually she didnt' feel I had GD, and neither did the OB she referred me to. I ended up switching to the OB at 32 weeks because there were some insurance problems that wouldn't let me switch to the midwife. I knew I would have ended up with a c-section with my original doctor. My first one was probably unnecessary. I did find a gem of an OB. There really are some out there who are excellent! I know how exhausting it is, but I highly encourage you to keep looking.

[Lisa Jo]

I'm amazed that the midwifery practice would refer you to such an aggressive dr. If they really won't keep you as a patient can you ask them for a recommendation on a more flexible OB?

[momum]

This is my 3rd time with gd that is easily conotrolled by diet. I saw/am seeing CNMs and have never been told they couldn't take care of me because of the GD. With my other two they didn't want to let me go over my due date, but with my current midwife there has not been mention of even the slightest chance of induction. It's definately not too late for you to find a practioner that you feel comfortable with and is willing to follow your wishes.

[djk42]

You know you should leave, but you don't want to take the effort and be wrong, so you are looking for someone to either give you the push to go or give you permission to submit and let the doctor rule your birth.

I walk into a Denny's for dinner, and the service isn't great, but rather than drive to another place I still eat there. But, if I go in and see a dead rodent, I will run out of that place screaming, and file a complaint. So you have to ask yourself, was there a rat in that doctor's office?

[gamergal]

Thank you all!

I was feeling very depressed when I wrote that, and sort of hopeless. Dh being home for the weekend has really helped, and so has reading all of your responses. I am going to start looking for another provider today. I truly believe that the reason the CNMs referred me to this doc was that she had an opening in her schedule and took my insurance. They never gave me the impression that they recommended her or anything. I think they are also somewhat restricted in what they can do and who they can follow because they are a hospital-based practice.

I am going to start by calling the CNMs and asking if there is another doctor in that office I could see whose philosophy is more in line with mine--or at least who isn't obnoxious! I have 2 weeks to go before my next appointment, and I am just hoping it won't be with her.

[hedra]

Even if yo like one of the other docs in the practice, I'd hesitate to go with that practice. Because you never know who will be there for the birth...

I left an OB practice over the same issue (ended up with CNMs at a free-standing birth center). One OB was a joy. She said that birth was as natural as pregnancy, and she was just there as backup, preferred to intervene not at all, would rather support a woman who would rather tear than be cut, didn't think I needed an ultrasound but would let me get one if I'd be stressed out without one, etc.

The second OB was so-so - liked to manage birth, wanted to be 'sure' that things were going well before 'letting' things go naturally, but was willing to step back if you pushed back, and was utterly not stressed by that.

Third OB was awful. She was the DOCTOR, SHE was in charge, you could REFUSE her decisions for care if you wanted to, but she wouldn't bet on the outcomes if you did, and when I asked her (gently and politely but firmly) to back up her claim that ultrasounds were 100% safe and had been used for 40 years (doppler had not been, thank you very much), she wrote in my chart 'patient is difficult and argumentative'... I found that out later, though, when I switched practices and the midwives and I discussed the old chart.

UGH. Imagine if I'd had HER for my 80-hour labor? Any bets on whether she'd have insisted on a c-section for the safety of my son? Where the CNMs and their (cnm-friendly) backup OBs said he was doing very well, I was doing very well, and unless there were sound medical reasons for a c-section, they weren't going to even mention it in my presence (they did discuss it in the hallway - out of my hearing, because they didn't want me to think it was necessary and panic and then not be able to cope anymore).

Most docs will take a late transfer of care as long as you have HAD previous care. They only hesitate when you haven't had any previous care.

Find a different practice. And maybe call a non-hospital-affiliated CNM and ask their opinion, too.

Good luck!

[miche]

Another suggestion is to find out who backs up the homebirth midwives in your area and see if you can get in with that OB. There is one OB in my area that backs up at least two of the homebirth CNMs here and while I hear she has a horrible bedside manner, she does believe in birth being a natural process. If I hadn't found my current OB interviewing her was next in line.

[Celia]

I switched at 14 weeks, but my doula had a client who switched after arriving at the hospital in labor! I hope you don't have insurance hassles which would restrict you to stay there, but all you have to do is initiate appointments with a new OB and have that office request your records from the other office. In other words, you don't even have to communicate yourself personally with the other office unless you want to.

If you do switch, though, you really *ought* to communicate with the office you're with now to tell them that *you* are the consumer and *they* are the service, and they really cannot run a business with the way they're treating women.

I called my office and told them my reasons. I wanted them to know that if they treated every woman like they're running some kind of cookie-cutter factory instead of treating them like respectable individuals, they're losing business.

So anyway, I switched. Small loss for the other doc, right? Nope! I loved my doc so much that 2 of my friends had babies under his care after I did. Hee hee, if that other office only knew how much business they lost!

Good luck!

[Celia]

Oh yeah, I wouldn't stay in that practice. You could see a saint of a doctor for all of your prenatals and end up with Mr. Hyde at the birth.

[Sandy]

"But then I wonder, what if the next one is worse?"

Frankly, I can't imagine how anyone would be worse! Sounds to me like she's either 'old school' and has a Totaltarian attitude about individual feelings of others OR she isn't experienced enough in her practice, so she defaults to using all those medical aids to ensure her deliveries run like clockwork (good for her track record, you know...) :mad: It almost sounds like she hates the OB part of her job....

Find someone else, and don't have regrets or worries in doing so! Go to the 'birthing center' in your hospital, and ask the staff or directors there which Dr. they think would be best to suit your needs AND your baby's, including personality. This is YOUR time, your baby, your body, and YOU ultimatley have the choice of what goes on in the end. You have every right to refuse pitocin or epis...

This post is a little late, so I hope you've been able to find someone new now...please let us know how it turns out! Best wishes.... :)

[gamergal]

I was all ready to switch, had called around and found a great hospital (none of the mw practices that I could find around here would accept me--they said gd made me high risk) that has a birthing center and mws, etc., when my old mw returned my call. She was upset to hear that my appointment hadn't gone well, and said she thought that the new doc and I would be a good match (but then they work for the same place, so what is she going to say?). She also said that if my gd is controlled and the baby seems okay, I can switch back to the mw practice. That would be my #1 preference, so for now I am going to stick with the new drs and bug them about going back.

Unfortunately, although my numbers have on the whole been good, there have been a few times when they were high, and I can't explain all of them. But I am a *lot* more motivated now. I'm also going to a hypnobirthing class next weekend and I will hit folks up for OB recommendations there, too, just in case. I've pretty well decided not to let the new dr keep me, but its worth it for me to put up with her until I get an answer about going back to the mws.

[Jer]

I was almost exactly where you are a few months ago-- no GD, but a VBAC intent on avoiding a repeat C. I left three OBs and a mw-run birth center before settling on a second birth center at 31 weeks. I ran out of energy and just couldn't face switching again, even when I realized that this new midwife was, in fact, a medwife, and she was pulling the dead baby card on me. I buckled and stayed with her-- went in for an unnecessary induction-- ended up with another c. I'm not trying to scare you-- that's the last thing you need right now-- I'mjust trying to reiterate: GO WITH YOUR INSTINCTS. Run far, run fast. You've still got time. If you have a good birth with this doc, it will be in spite of her, not because of her.

I'm hoping and praying for you to have the birth you want. Please don't give in yet-- it's awful switching again, especially third trimester, but it's worse to look back and know that things would have been differert-- better-- if you had.

Many hugs,

[Jer]

Sorry, I posted before I saw your post. Cross fingers that you can go back with your mws. Hang in there!!!

:)

[Celia]

She also said that if my gd is controlled and the baby seems okay, I can switch back to the mw practice. That would be my #1 preference, so for now I am going to stick with the new drs and bug them about going back. Just be careful that they're not just telling you what you want to hear. You're very wise to keep your options open and keep looking. Good luck!